


Redd Reflection.

by Renaii



Series: Then, you happened. [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Husbands, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Illness, SasuIta Bromance, Sasuke is an ass, ShiIta, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 35,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29640822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renaii/pseuds/Renaii
Summary: When Redd's gone missing for two months, Itachi was going crazy, while Shisui was trying his best to be the understanding husband that he is.
Relationships: Uchiha Itachi/Uchiha Shisui
Series: Then, you happened. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2177997
Comments: 5
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As you can see, this series tells the stories of the daily life of Itachi and his husband. The other stories of the series won't necessarily be in chronological order, but we will aid you with what you need to know; we'll add more action to this series and would explain exactly how it started, and how it will go on.  
> This part was written and completed with a total of 35K, so we promise not to stop somewhere in the middle, or suddenly. So, our friends who love to read only completed works so the writer wouldn't stop updating, we can reassure you that it won't. xD  
> This part was written by the two of us, Celeste and Anna. We wish you a wonderful time reading this, and we'd love to see your comments here or on twitter, they're very appreciated.  
> We'd love to see your feedbacks to keep on writing and supporting our favorite ship ~
> 
> A/N: So, this is a modern au where Shisui has dissociative identity disorder, or DID, a mental condition where the person goes through a severe trauma and as a coping mechanism, the mind splits itself into different personalities. It's not like what's depicted in most literature and movies, as it's totally normal and is more common than people think. The word 'front' here means to come and take control of the body.

Thursday always passes by heavily no matter what Itachi does. It passes slowly, and he has lots of consecutive lectures, and in between there are only a few breaks. And what helped him to go through the day maybe a lunch box made especially by Redd every Thursday, and a phone call that comes exactly at 11:15 am and it goes on for ten minutes before his next lecture. But, this lunch box is made by himself, and he's been holding his phone since it was eleven in the morning, hoping that the call might come, that would perhaps make him feel more at peace, that might tell him that Redd is okay.  


But the minutes passed by and the call didn't come and the heaviness in his heart was becoming more evident, just like the sighs that leave his lips.

It was 11:21 am when he found his phone vibrating and the caller ID was ' _ Sweetheart _ '. His heartbeats escalated and he was about to drop his phone while answering enthusiastically, "H-Hello?"

"Ah, Itachi. how are you, sweetheart?" 

Itachi pursed his lips and tried hard not to cry. That's not how Redd greets him.

Shisui,  _ as usual. _

And honestly, he's grateful as much as his heart hurts that the caller wasn't Redd.

"Hi, Shisui…" He answered in a small voice, moving his feet across the ground without getting up from his seat in the university's garden.

"I didn't want the day to go by so heavily on you. How are you doing? Did you eat or not yet?"

Usually Shisui wouldn't be around at this time of the day so he doesn't know. Itachi replied quietly, "I have my lunch at 1:30, after the next lecture. I'm fine, what about you?"

He heard a long, heavy sigh coming from the other end of the line, and he can guess that the elder is massaging his temples with his fingers, throwing all his weight over the chair, and rotating around. Maybe not a whole rotation, he just moved to the left side, exactly where he keeps a photo of Itachi in a white frame that is decorated with lots of red hearts (Saito's choice –no one can refuse him). 

He can also imagine him holding the frame after stopping his massage, and getting it closer to him, with a small lovely smile as he's looking into Itachi's smiling eyes in the photo. With his deep voice that always vibrates slightly when he's pronouncing his words, he answered him, "Tired. lots of work, less sleep."

"It's okay," He started weakly, feeling the lump forming in his throat, but he immediately swallowed it, and cleared his voice few times before adding, "Try to get a little break, okay?"

"I'll send Shino over to drive you home. I'm sorry I can't come myself, when are you done today?"

"Shisui, for the thousandth time I'm telling you, he's  _ your private driver _ ,  **_you_ ** , Uchiha Shisui, not mine. Please, if you don't have the time to come yourself, then let me go back home however I like."

Redd. He pursed his lips while recalling the warm memory. Black jeans, white shirt with only one side in the pants, and over it a blue jeans jacket with a hoodie that he always puts over the black cap, rounded glasses, hands always inside the pockets of the jacket and that weird posture he stands in –where he hunches his back a little and, might as well say, moves his hands inside the pockets, moves his feet on the ground and waits in the university's garden for Itachi to go home walking. He could already picture the smirk, and the eyes that roll behind the glasses while saying: "I was about to leave."

That liar. He never left, not even once.

He always  _ waited. _ No matter how late Itachi was, he always waited.

"Itachi, not this shit again, please!"

"Hey, listen, believe me my day is already shitty, my mood is like shit, so please let's not fight, okay?" His nervous fingers were scratching the cloth over his thighs.

He heard a sigh from the other end of the line. He could picture Shisui closing his eyes shut and applying pressure over the bridge his nose. Itachi, who loves details so much, could keep the details related to each of them separately, and in times like this, rare times like this, he finds himself searching for Redd's details within Shisui's. And this… this makes him feel bad.

He took a deep breath and looked at the green grass underneath his feet, "Take a little time off and eat something. On Thursdays we usually don't eat lunch at home, hmm?" He cares for him. He can't pretend otherwise, even if his mood is gloomy.

There was a heavy silence following what he said. The silent breaths were the only thing heard between them, and Shisui didn't answer him. And so Itachi zoned out, in all of these harmful thoughts. A week. It's been just a week. Not enough time to start worrying already, right? Why doesn't anything seem right then? Why does everything look so scary and makes him feel frightened?

Redd wouldn't have disappeared all this time, he wouldn't have missed coming today especially, and he wouldn't have left him all this while without fronting even for few seconds, right?

"Sweetheart?" From the depth came the gentle voice, "Are you still with me?"

"Ah, yes."

"I missed you, so much. I'll try to be home before midnight to spend some time with you."

Itachi only hummed. The call barely exceeded the two minutes, but it was so heavy on his heart now.

Shisui's trying, seriously trying so hard, to make him calm down and to make him feel like nothing has changed because Redd isn't around. But even Shisui had become nervous and worried, and is trying to act normally, which makes everything worse when Itachi's on edge.

"I'm sorry, Ita, I have a meeting in five and I have to go. Call me after your lectures? Should I bring some takeout or will it be too late?" Even when he's busy, he still tries to make a nice conversation with his husband, seeing how nervous he is lately.

"It's okay. Anything will be fine. Good luck in your meeting. I'll go to find a place near the front of the hall, I'll call you later." Said Itachi calmly and waited to hear the humming before he ended the call. And he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

Last Thursday was the last time he saw Redd. And honestly, he doesn't feel good. Today is the seventh day that he hadn't seen him in. He just… disappeared. Poof, like there's no trace of him. And when he asked Shisui about him, he told him that he can't feel him around, that maybe he is  _ asleep _ like Shisui had said. But who sleeps for seven days?! Last time he was okay, they were okay, then why? 

He sighed again and took his backbag with him, walking towards the white building in the middle of the area, where he has to attend his next lecture in the second hall of the third floor. He's tired even before half of the day has passed.

A heavy day. A day he can't keep up with.

And even though he told Shisui he'd choose a seat near the front, he went straight to one at the far back once he entered the hall and he threw himself over it. Lucky he was that Izumi was sick and hadn't come today. He doesn't need any kind of questions like:"What's wrong with you today?"

The time passed very slowly, and he couldn't focus on anything that's being said by the professor, and he couldn't concentrate in any if the remaining lectures.

After his day was done, he finally let out a deep breath. He just needs to sleep to be done with this day.

—

How long has this relationship been? Twelve years? Thirteen?  _ Their fourteenth anniversary is approaching, _ he thinks. Shisui was his first and last experience, and he's so sure to say that he was Shisui's as well. 

When he turned 17 they started their physical relationship. They went through everything together, getting to know each other, the nervousness, the fear, the failure, the awkwardness, and the settling, the passion, the insanity, experiencing everything that might be weird, and looking for every way to reach pleasure, and… the dull indifference.

It was rare, the last one, to be honest. The true love's spark didn't go off, and he doesn't think it will anytime soon. They're already over this, they're about to be called  **_infinite together_ ** , but he'd be lying if he said that they hadn't gone through some indifferent phases.

Sometimes, everything is consuming fire, and they're trembling with desire and pleasure. And sometimes, it's  _ sex _ . Just sex. Because they need it, because they got used to it, because they're married, because they're two grown up men.

Itachi doesn't hate it, but he doesn't like it either. When it takes this turn, he's just not having a lot within him, and he lets his body release its stress, just that.

For him now, what's happening between them is like those times, when he's under Shisui not for anything but because they're  _ husbands _ , and that's normal.

When he told him over the phone that morning 'I missed you', he knew that this would happen, and he wanted to tell him:  _ I don't want it, please not now, this is not the way to make me feel better this time. _

It's not like he hadn't refused him before, but he can't this time. He knows how much does Shisui need this now, especially with all the stress and pressure at work. But no matter how hard he tried to focus on the moment, he failed, and his mind wasn't present.The lips he felt through his when the thrusts became a bit harder murmured, "Where have you gone?" Shisui was panting, and is trying to mask off his annoyance?

He shook his head, meaning to say 'nothing', and he held onto the neck he loves so much and tried –seriously tried to make a lovebite there. Sometimes his mood can get better when they have sex, but... maybe not this time, maybe not this way. Another thrust and Itachi's face contracted while he arched his back and threw his head to the pillow. His mind is somewhere else, and his body is barely responding to Shisui's touches. He's not that turned on, and even though Shisui is very keen to make Itachi cum, and he's trying to make him cum, but Itachi's mood is having a toll on him to the point that he can't feel any pleasure. He's not hard enough; the thrusts inside him don’t please him no matter how Shisui tried to change his position and his thrusts. And when Shisui found his spot, it was just… painful; it wasn't pleasing anyway.

He'll just let Shisui finish. Itachi moved his hand downwards maybe to touch Shisui there and make him cum. And he'll say that he's tired and just can't get it hard today. It's not weird and it happens sometimes, and he hopes Shisui doesn't ask him about it.

Long moments, but Shisui came inside Itachi, and the younger hasn't been around the corner to come yet. So the elder tried to use his hand to help his lover. But Itachi held Shisui's hand "It's okay. I'm tired today, and maybe my meds are having a toll on me, so I won't come. It's fine." He caressed Shisui's cheek slightly and smiled a very small smile.

"You know I don't like to be the only one coming." Shisui's voice was breathy because of the effort and the orgasm that's still washing over him.

"It's okay, I'm fine." After Shisui pulled off, Itachi tried to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. He needs a moment by himself. He whimpered a little while trying to sit and Shisui rested on his elbows lightly and tried to stop him. "Where are you going?"

"I need to go to the bathroom."

"Itachi, what will you do there? I can take care of you here!"

But the younger just caressed his cheek once more and kissed it with the same smile. "It's not that. I'm just tense and I need to bathe so I might relax a bit."

"Redd," said Shisui to make the younger turn to him, and he continued. "It has something to do with Redd, right?"

Itachi sighed. Okay, he can't deny it; it will only show how bad of a liar he is. "I'm just… worried, Shisui. I cannot stop myself. This never happened before and I feel… I feel there's this weird feeling in my chest; a heavy weight I can't deal with."

"Is having just me around that hard" Shisui asked while lying back, putting both of his hands behind his head.

"It's not like that, Shisui, and you know it very well. I'm just not used to this, and I'm worried about him. I'm really worried about him. Is he okay? Why doesn't he front? Did anything happen that stopped him from fronting? All are questions with no answers that I'll keep asking myself."

He was sitting by the edge of the bed, his left foot barely touching the floor. His body is still tense and it annoys him, and something inside his chest is unsettling while he's that naked. Not because he's in front of Shisui, not that at all, but because he's totally naked, and not just his body, and that's the last thing he needs right now.

And the last thing that he needs also is fighting with Shisui.

Many years had passed, with so many fights. Not just with Shisui, even convincing Redd was hard as well. A lot of " _ don't kiss him, don't sleep with him, don't let him touch you, stop telling him that you love him, he's not me, stop! _ "

He told them both over and over again that he loves them both equally, that it's impossible to not love one of them or to not care for them equally, and to not let himself between their arms equally. He can't do anything but that because his heart can't separate the feelings he has for them both, he can separate them in everything but love.

He had to go through many, many cruel and exhausting fights when one of them fronts to find Itachi naked in his arms, realizing it was a night with the other.

Hardly, and after years of fighting, Redd was the first to be persuaded that he has to share Itachi with someone else –Itachi's got bad migraines trying to convince him that it's not someone else, it's the same body, the same soul, and they both have the same feelings, they can feel each other. The result was bad, very bad. " _ Just shut up and go fuck him _ ." was Redd's reply, while he's pressing over his stress ball badly. " _ You'll never feel the same as I make you feel _ ."

" _ I still never get why the fuck you can't just have me alone _ !" And that was Shisui, who –no matter how much he said that he's convinced- can't be convinced. He's the one between the two of them, who, until now, feels the insult because of this. Even after all these years. " _ I'm your lover, I'm your husband, I'm your first kiss, your first time! I'm the name that your name is bound to for fuck's sake! What more do you want? Just keep the space between you two, please. At least keep your clothes on around him! _ " 

" _ Watch your language, Uchiha Shisui _ !" And lots and lots of arguing. He remembers it all.

It stopped, kind of, about two years ago.

And he doesn't want to go through it again. Especially not now. For God's sake not now when he's about to cry hysterically because he's so worried about Redd…!

"Itach–"

He interrupted him, pleading. "Please, I really can't argue now. It's enough that I'm dead worried about him, please. And yes, I'm worried about him. I feel like I'm going crazy because of my worries. You can't judge me, you don't have the right! I feel… hell, I feel like there's a missing part of  _ you _ , a huge part as if someone has amputated your arm or leg or something! I'm scared about him, and I miss him, because  _ he's you! _ He's you and you're him and I don't care if you never understand what it means, so please let's not fight over this, okay?"

"Why do you think I'd argue with you?" He turned to his side and covered Itachi's hand with his on the bed, caressing it with his fingertips.

"Because we always do whenever it comes to him."

"I don't feel him, he's very quiet, and it's as if he's more than just asleep. Very calm as if he's not even there, as if… he went back to what he dissociated from in the first place." He talked calmly. 

The first time Itachi asked, he answered him nonchalantly 'maybe asleep', so it was uncanny of him to answer at length now.

The words hit Itachi's heart before it hit his ears. What do these words mean? What does Shisui mean? It's not like Redd was always conscious. There were times when he just… sleeps, dozes off.

"What..." He tried to speak and almost choked, so he coughed twice before trying again, "What do you mean?"

Shisui sighed and kept staring at the ceiling, "I don't know honestly, Itachi. It's weird for me too, and I have never been through this, as if he was never there, his absence, and I hate to say this, but his absence is very nuisance."

What does he mean that he's not there?

"Don't –don't speak nonsense, Shisui. he's just… I don’t know, maybe he's not awake, but he'll come around!" Itachi was more nervous now and his body started trembling slightly.

"I honestly don't know, Itachi. Just, don't keep yourself worried while waiting for him. Just let him be back whenever he wants to." Shisui squeezed Itachi's hand gently.

But the thoughts in Itachi's head started attacking him all of a sudden. He jerked his hand away and his voice was so tense. "Why do you keep talking as if he's gone? You don't have that right, Shisui! He's just… he'll be back! Maybe if I called for him, maybe… I don't know. Do I have to get hurt so that he's back? I don't know. What should I do? Oh god, what should I do?" Itachi was panicking. He was really worried and scared and the tears froze in his eyes refusing to fall, because he thinks if he cried then he's…  _ lost. _ As if he's admitting that Redd is gone forever and he just have to mourn him in silence.

"Is it so bad?" Asked Shisui while looking at Itachi with sadness. He really tried to not look so, but this is way more than he can bear.

Itachi looked at him, the tears were glassy in his eyes, yet he refused to cry them, and he's still trembling slightly. "huh?" 

Is he asking him if Redd's disappearance is so bad? Because it fucking is, because he's a part of him and Itachi can't imagine a life without him. As if Shisui's soul has lost a huge part of it, and he has to deal with that void.

"Is it bad that a part of me went back to fuse with me? That I might become… whole like everyone else" Shisui doesn't talk much about it, but sharing his body with the others sometimes annoys him, saddens him, and makes him feel like he's less than anyone else because one choice and it will affect the rest of them along with him. "Is it bad if Redd went back to be me without being a different being than me?"

Once the words left his lips, they were like a whiplash that hurt Itachi like no other pain did. Shisui is not used to talking so openly about how he feels about them, and once Itachi accepted them, once Itachi accepted him with all of his parts and all he's divided into, he calmed down, and became less nervous, and felt everything is alright, or so thought Itachi. That's what he thinks up till now!

His eyes widened without him noticing, and his little finger started twitching unconsciously like it does when he is very tense. He felt his lids twitch as well. The seconds following those words were scary. Yes, it was scary because he didn't know what he should say, and it was horrible to go through this. Does Shisui want to hear the truth? Is it the best thing to be said? Would he be a hideous person if he said it? Can he lie?

"Y-yes…" his voice came out small, and he pursed his lips and looked down, his raven locks hid his face from Shisui's eyes, and this time, his whole body shuddered. "It's unfair… I think it's unfair if he disappeared, if he ceased to exist, after I fell in love with him. It's unfair to leave me behind." His eyes widened more, and his tears flowed silently over his cheeks. "He has to say something at least before he goes."

The words hurt Shisui. He doesn't know exactly what hurt him, but it made him speechless, and he just hummed and went back to lie down. "I hope he comes back to you soon." He said briefly and turned to his side. He didn't want to look at Itachi.

The other was fisting his palms and biting his lower lip. Everything now is wrong and can't be mended. He doesn't want to cry. He took a deep breath and went to the bathroom, leaning over the door whispering to himself "Don't cry. Don't cry. Redd is fine, and you're fine. He'll be back to you in no time, don't cry." He went over to the sink and splashed his face with cold water, then opened the tap in the tub to fill it with warm water.

Before it was filled he sat down and the water kept rising around him, hugging his legs close to his chest and hiding his face there. He tried to exhale, he tried to control his feelings. He has to apologize to Shisui. He hurt his feelings with what he said, but should he lie to him? Either way, someone will get hurt, and he was selfish enough to choose to hurt Shisui instead of himself.

"Damn you, Redd. I feel lost without you and everything is out of my control."

—

When Itachi was back, he went to sleep, and he was supposed to wake up early before Shisui for his early lecture, but he doesn't want to.

Shisui shook him softly to wake him up. "Itachi, don't you have a lecture at 8? It's 7:30 already."

"Not going today." Itachi pulled the blanket over his head.

If Itachi was able to detect the slightest of the details about Shisui and can expect his reactions and visualize his gestures and moves, then Shisui is no different than him. Itachi's routine, his moves, all his habits became so familiar to him. And from what he knows, the younger is obsessed with perfection, and puts a lot of effort, sometimes even unnecessary efforts to get to the highest levels of perfection, and wouldn't accept any less than the best in any and everything. 

Itachi's obsessed with cleaning, Itachi's obsessed with order, Itachi who has a plan for everyday in his head and doesn't change anything in it except if he's just about to die, Itachi who can never miss a lecture no matter how much he hates it or how much he's tired. Being the holder of the first place amongst the students in his batch makes him feel like he needs to keep his place and yearns for more if there's any. This same Itachi tells him that he's not going to attend today's lectures without at least being feverish and hallucinating! This only showed him how much Redd's absence is having a toll on Itachi.

He didn't know what should he say, since he doesn't know what should he feel. But he's sure that he feels a lot of sadness and that he is… hurt?

What happened has put him in front of a question he'd avoided for years:  _ who's his real lover? Who is it that Itachi thinks is the original between them? Who's the one he fell in love with? Who's his soulmate?! _

He sighed desperately, and tried once again to pat his shoulder over the blanket. "Okay, have breakfast with me at least before I head to work, hmm?"

"I'm sorry, Shisui, I don't want to," He paused for a second, then turned his body suddenly and sat looking at the older. "I'll make you breakfast…" He said quietly and didn't wait for an answer, instead he walked out of the room.

_ Not like you're my wife!  _ He wanted to tell him, but instead sighed. He didn’t want this, he can fix himself a breakfast. Everything that is happening lately is not what he wanted.

Shisui threw himself over the bed splaying an arm over his eyes. He's not used to staying around for days and to work this much. Having Redd around would lessen his stress, would make his head clearer, and his nerves more stable. And even though every time he tells him not to come closer to  **_his_ ** Itachi, he knows that Redd would do it in the end, maybe out of stubbornness, or out of love for Itachi. Anyhow, he's happy he is not conscious when Redd is close to Itachi. But perhaps, in a moment like this one, he would've wanted to know how does Redd act around Itachi, what he does to make him calm down, or maybe even try to act like him. He sighed, and closed his eyes, just for few seconds.

Maybe this didn't happen exactly, because Shisui dozed off, and he sat up abruptly after few minutes.

"Eeww… I don’t like this pajama." He started moving haphazardly before jumping out of the bed and searching his closet for the pajama with the lovely bears that he loves so much. He took off the  _ 'old man pajama' _ like how he likes to call it, and left it on the floor to wear his own. He doesn't like pajamas with buttons because he can't button it up and when he does it looks weird because he misses the count every time.

"Itaaa~" he called while skipping steps over the staircase. Sometimes he finds his long legs useful. "Itaaa~" he called once again while entering the kitchen, "Ita I missed you so much!"

One of the things Shisui couldn't just understand as well as Redd, that unlike them, Itachi likes small Spaces. He hates huge mansions, that are extra spacious, that are in very tall buildings, that are in very fancy neighborhoods that are too quiet, with lots of elegant furniture and glass walls, swimming pools open up to the sky, and all the rich people's shit.

So, when he chose the house they're going to live in upon their wedding, he chose a small house, with a small pretty garden, in a warm neighborhood with middle-class families, where he can hear the children's noises and newspaper distributors and flowers everywhere. Two simple floors, with very warm furniture, humble to be more specific, and with a small garage for Shisui's car. And he refused to hire any staff in the house, not even one to take care of the garden. Also, he was very persistent to help Shisui in supporting their home. This was more comfortable for him.

After a while, Shisui admitted that living in a house like this was the best that has ever happened to him, away from all the excess, soulless details.

The interior of the house was warm and intimate as well, as if all the rooms are open to one big space. The kitchen was open to the living room and is in front of the staircase, where he, without even turning around, can see the older coming while wearing a lovely childish pajama, running to him with a wide innocent smile, opening his arms, "Ita~"

"Oh!" he let go of the knife he was holding to chop the vegetables and opened his arms to hold the younger boy. "Oh, my baby… you finally fronted!"

A whole week without seeing any of them was very unfamiliar, and now, when Saito fronted, does it mean that Redd would come around some time soon? He felt a little guilty because he's not happy that Saito came around as much as he's happy that maybe Redd would front soon. This is so selfish, isn't it?

"I missed you so, so, so, soooo much! Shisui-nii san was here for a long time. He's bad, he didn't let me front!"

Itachi ruffled his hair and smiled. "I miss you so much too. But don't call Shisui bad, hmm? He loves you too." He took him to the big counter seeing the living room and pulled a high chair for him.

Along the years, the problems between Shisui's alters decreased drastically. But there are still some…  _ misunderstandings _ that they still try to work on together. Like that Shisui isn't so open about how he feels about the others, and that he never tells them about it. It doesn't really matter that much with Redd, but Saito always thinks that Shisui doesn’t like him, so he sides more with Redd.

"Hmm," Saito pursed his lips and frowned a little, before dismissing the talk about Shisui and looked at Itachi enthusiastically who's wearing an apron and is chopping some vegetables. "What are you making, Ita?"

Itachi looked to what he was doing. He was about to make some fried rice with vegetables and meat, and maybe some side dishes that he keeps in the fridge. But Saito doesn't like fried rice. He always likes ramen better. He looked at the vegetables and started thinking about what he could make of it. "Want some ramen?" He asked the younger while checking his cupboards.

"Yes, yes!! Ramen with lots of soup!" He talked very lively. The pajama that he wears has very long sleeves it covers his hands. "Ita, the sleeves." He offered his hands towards Itachi, so the elder dried his hands in the small towel and started fixing his sleeves.

"Saito, do you… do you know where is Redd?" He was so desperate to the point that he asks the youngest about Redd. It's not like he thinks Shisui is lying to him, but maybe the youngest knows something that Shisui doesn't? He's just hoping.

The youngest blinked few times while biting the edge of his sleeve –a habit of Saito's when he's asked and feels like it's like an interrogation and not a mere question. Itachi asked him numerous times to stop doing that because he wets the sleeves with his saliva, but he never complied, and he looked very tense every time Itachi told him, so the elder stopped asking him altogether. He's just a child after all.

But doing it now, and when he stayed silent for few seconds, all were nerve-wrecking to Itachi, who asked once again, "Baby?"

"Redd-nii isn't talking. I think he's mad at me because I broke his favorite cup yesterday."

Usually, he can't distinguish the days. His vocabulary is still very small, and every day is 'yesterday' for Saito, even when he means today. In any other day, Itachi would've corrected him, but he couldn't now.

So he doesn't know anything about Redd either?

_ You fucking jerk, where have you gone, leaving me here missing you and scared to death? _

The tears stung once again, but soon after, he sighed, trying to smile, even when it came very miserable, and patted Saito's head. "Redd-nii loves you so much and seems like he never can get mad at you. He didn't even know that you broke his cup yet. Don't worry, okay?"

"I love him too." Saito nodded eagerly. 

After smiling once again, Itachi started to make him breakfast, listening to all of his childish, adorable stories about his dreams. He put the food on the counter and sat across him; he leaned over and was absent-minded: he's worried. He's about to go crazy. What happened to him? Will he front soon? Is he okay? Is he mad at him so much because he refused to spend some time with him when he last came because Itachi had an exam to study for? Was it… was it perhaps the last time he'd front and he'd lost his chance to spend time with him?

If he knew, if only he knew that it might be his last time. his eyes were glassy with tears, even though he didn't cry; he sniffled and sighed heavily while running a hand over his face.

Calm down, it can never be his last time.

He looked at Saito who is blowing over his ramen waiting for it to cool down a little, before he ate it happily. Itachi looked at him lovingly.

Saito devoured his ramen eagerly humming, and nodded while chewing. "Ita's the best one who makes ramen!" He squealed with a mouth full of food, and Itachi laughed silently before sighing.

Saito, too, didn’t front in a week, but he doesn’t front as frequently as the other two. It will be fine.

"Ita?" The youngest called with wide eyes while still chewing on his food.

What did we say about talking during meal time, Saito?" Itachi scolded lightly. The youngest immediately put a hand over his mouth covering it.

"Sorry, ita." And he laughed.

Unlike how he calls Shisui and Redd, Saito doesn’t call Itachi formally. Shisui had once scolded him about it, but Itachi told him that it's fine to call him whatever he likes. So, he chose to call him Ita. Easy to pronounce and he just adores it.

Saito waited to swallow, then called him again. "Ita!"

"Yes, baby?"

"You look sad." Saito frowned. He has a strong sense of the feelings surrounding him; he can detect feelings much better than the other two. Itachi's already like an open book now, but he tries to hide it.

"I'm fine, Saito. Don't worry."

"If Shisui-nii san had made you sad I'll tell him to apologize!" He said defensively, and Itachi smiled even more.

"Shisui didn’t do anything."

"Redd-nii then? Redd-nii loves Ita!" He said while raising his hands to make the sleeves go up a little.

Maybe that little word had hurt Itachi's heart more than it should. But he gulped it down and shook his head. "Redd-nii didn't… do anything either." He patted his head from across the counter. "Don’t worry yourself, Saito. I'm fine." 

He really tried to smile, but the younger looked at him while holding the chopsticks that are made especially for the kids. He got up –without leaving his chopsticks- and went to Itachi to hug him in a very adorable way. "It's okay… you don't have to go to college if the teachers are bad." His little mind doesn’t allow him to know that there's more in the world other than college (school for older people like how Itachi had told him), Redd-nii-san, Shisui-nii-san… and Itachi. He can't understand why he's sad.

"Do I tell Shisui-nii-san?" He asked him in a childish sad voice.

"No, please don't. I'll be sad if you did."

"Do I tell Redd-nii then?" 

Itachi's heart skipped a beat. Will he be using him if he did? 

“Can you?"

"I'll try. I'll go and knock on his door to call him."

And Itachi knew that Saito is talking about the inner world in his head.

He bit his lower lip. He was agitated and nervous, hopeful, longing, and scared to be disappointed all at once. His feelings were so overwhelming that he bit his lip hard to the point he cut it and bled a few drop of blood. But he licked it immediately and held one of Saito's hands that are around him. He was holding it tightly unconsciously, and looked into his eyes pleadingly, "Can you do it? Did you do it before? To... reach him and talk to him when he's unconscious?"

Saito frowned for a second, thinking. Then he tilted his head, "Cautious? What is that Ita?"

"I mean when he's asleep?"

"Yes, I once talked to him because I was angry. Shisui-nii-san was screaming at you." He pouted. "I don’t like it when Shisui nii-san screams at you, Ita."

So it was him who got Redd to front that time…? It was a huge fight that Itachi was about,  _ he swears, _ to break up with Shisui. Redd, then, fronted all of a sudden and stayed with him for about two days without leaving even once. Was it all because of Saito…?

A tear, then two, fell from his eyes, and he held the youngest's shoulders. "Can you? Can you do it, Saito? Can you call him for ita?"

Saito shrugged. "I'll do it… and if he got mad at me, I'll tell him that you told me to do that." He hugged Itachi tightly, and it was returned.

Itachi's hope is all bound to this kid. To wake up Redd, to make him front because Itachi is worried like hell. He took few calming breaths before patting the arm he was holding to twice. "Thank you, Saito. I owe you this." He said truthfully.

"I don’t know what that is, but it's okay. don't be sad, Ita. Saito loves you so much." The youngest was trying so hard to make Itachi smile, and maybe he did, because when he let go, Itachi was smiling more earnestly.

"Ita loves you too so much baby. Eat your food before it gets cold, and, Shisui nii-san has important work to do today. Can you let him go to work, and front when he's done? Ita will wait for you, and maybe we can play together in the evening?" Itachi knows that Saito listens to him better than he does to the other two, and as Shisui's husband, as the person that Saito loves more than the rest, he had to make sure that everything that is needed will be done.

"Shisui nii-san's work is so tiring and nasty," Saito let his tongue out disgustingly.

"Haven't we said that you’re not supposed to do this?" for the second time, Itachi scolded him lightly.

"But it's bad, and I feel sleepy when he works. But, I won't this time, I will come to play video games with you, and eat popcorn, oh? I'll eat my food now, thank you for the food!" He went back to his chair, after he threw a seed of hope into Itachi; one that Itachi will water with his longing to Redd.

A bite after another, and between each the youngest would say something, a childish talk that Itachi had missed most of it. He can't stop his mind from wandering from last night, and no matter how hard he tried to stick around, he just can't focus enough. Honestly, he started feeling guilty. Doesn't he make his innocent baby and his husband feel like they're nothing, and that Redd's absence strips him off all the lies and claims that he'd said for years that he loves them all the same?

Shisui started feeling bad already, and it was very obvious last night. He'd made him feel like he's nothing,  _ like he's not enough, _ not suitable for him. And instead of just shutting up, to at least try to give him the love he deserves, he didn't even respond like how he's supposed to, he was even absentminded while he was between Shisui's arms.

The guilt eats him up, but the fright about Redd is eating him up even more, and this is so frustrating! What's wrong with him?!  _ He loves them equally,  _ **_he's true to himself!_ **

Circles. He's been running in circles since last night, and it hurts like hell.

"Oh!" Came out from the lips of the guy sitting before him, and he put his chopsticks aside while chewing what's inside his mouth. Taking a look at his clothes, he sighed. "Saito?"

  



	2. Chapter 2

"You woke up!" Said Itachi when he came to his senses. He nodded and hummed weakly with a smile. "Good. I've told him you have to work today, yeah?"

"Yeah." He just said that before getting up of his chair, but Itachi's hand was fast enough to stop him from going upstairs.

"Honey,"

Shisui turned around with a raised brow, "Hmm?"

"I love you."

Itachi added a small smile to his words. He really does love Shisui. He loves him so much and chose to share his life with him, he agreed to be in Shisui's life and Redd's and little Saito… with all the ups and downs, whatever happen.

The hand he held to stop Shisui was used to turn the older around and Itachi hugged him, burying his face in the strong chest. "I'm sorry if I'm acting weird. But worrying about him is a part of my love for you, Shisui. I want you, all of you, to be fine and around me. it's been years and I'm used to having you guys around. if any of you went missing I'll be worried as much. I'm grateful that you're here, and that you're with me, and I'm sorry about yesterday… about anything I might've said that hurt you." He stood on his tiptoes and placed a kiss just next to Shisui's lips, before going back to hug him and lean his head on the elder's chest.

He's honest. If it had been Shisui, he would've worried as much, he would've become sad as much, he would be nervous as much.

Shisui is easy to get angry, anyone can argue with him over the littlest of things, and he can become a jerk when he argues, and he's so stubborn to the point that can frustrate anyone, but once Itachi apologizes and hugs him, looking all sad and guilty, Shisui would change, and would start to apologize and throw all the blame over his own shoulders; he would tell Itachi to stop apologizing at once because he's the one who hurt him and made him sad. Perhaps this is _why_ Itachi can't stay mad at Shisui for long, and that's why –after all these years- Itachi would bear the fights and arguments that happen between them, because he knows that his husband would come around and won't be mad over it.

That's exactly what is happening now, when he felt the strong arms around him, and lips kissing his head, whispering, "It's okay, I get it, sweetheart. I'm sorry for being selfish and for not thinking about how you must've felt. I shouldn’t have asked to sleep with you when you're like this. It's not your fault, oh?"

Another kiss, and Itachi was smiling earnestly, a smile that turned into a laugh and he looked at him sighing and shaking his head.

"I'll make amends," He kissed him over the chest and patted over the heart, "Come on, you need to go to not be late."

"Can't I skip work today as well?" said Shisui while swaying gently with Itachi still in his arms, as if they're dancing to a secret melody only them can hear.

Itachi smiled, “No, you'll be a good boy and go to work so it won’t pile up and you'd need to come late at night. You know I don’t like staying alone for a long time."

"What would you do alone then?" Shisui asked without letting the younger go.

"I'll clean the house, take care of the garden… maybe cook?"

"You still can attend the other lectures even if you missed the first, you know?"

"I don't think I can focus, really." Itachi sighed and tried to smile. "Don't worry about me, it's the weekend coming and I can catch up."

Shisui could feel the sadness still holding tightly onto Itachi, and even though he doesn't like Redd, but he feels bad that he's not around for many reasons, the first being Itachi's worry and sadness.

"I'll really try to reach him… maybe we can try tonight to call him, he might hear you?"

"Do I look that miserable?"

Just the offer that came all of a sudden as shock made him feell warm all over, and made him think that he had chosen the best spouse that there is. Someone who'd let go of everything, including his ego and anger and jealousy and whatever, just if it was the price to pay to make Itachi happy, if it was the price to pay to take away his sadness and make him smile and feel at ease, even if it meant that another man would front and use his body to love his husband. 

Itachi's smile was really beautiful when he held Shisui's hand, hugging it close to him, while tilting his head a little.

"Huh?" Asked Shisui, not knowing what's going on, narrowing his right eye a little.

"Is it that obvious that Redd's sudden absence is making me feel down? Okay, because, well, Saito too noticed and told me he'd go and tell Redd-nii that I'm sad and he should come to check on me. Are you offering to get Redd-nii for me too?"

"Nii my ass," Shisui scoffed and rolled his eyes, then let Itachi go and took few steps towards the staircase. "I'll kick his ass once he's back. That fucker that makes you this sad. Let's just _get him_ tonight after I'm back from work."

Itachi nodded smiling, and waited till Shisui got into the room before sighing contently. Shisui and Saito are by his side, no need to worry.

He started washing the dishes, waiting for Shisui to get ready, and when the latter was walking down the stairs, Itachi was already drying his hands to give him goodbye kiss.

"You look better once I told you we should try to get him back." Shisui smirked. Shisui in suit still enchants Itachi, even after all these years.

The younger came closer to him, fixing his tie, smiling. "I'm just grateful… seriously. I'm lucky to have you."

Shisui rolled his eyes but stepped half a step forward to come closer to Itachi. "You're **_so_** lucky." He stayed this close, just looking at him from his height until Itachi raised his head after he was done with the tie.

"I made you a lunch box too, since you'd be late today… eat it well."

"Ah, you’re spoiling me so much."

"I'm just trying to be a good husband as I should. Come on, you shouldn't be late!" Itachi said while patting Shisui's chest.

"Kiss first." Itachi raised his head. Shisui loves it when Itachi stands on his tiptoes to reach his height and kiss him. And the kiss deserves it. Shisui put his arms around the younger, helping him up a little and held him. He just bit his lips a little, since he can’t play now or else he'd let work go to hell and would just stay here to spoil his younger husband.

"Okay?"

Itachi hummed. He's trying to be okay, and Shisui's understanding makes a huge difference.

"You're sure?"

"I swear to you with my love. I'm much better now, thank you." Another peck over Shisui's lips. “Just take care of yourself."

"Don't tire yourself with cleaning, and don't just snack instead of having a proper lunch. Take breaks when you study too, hmm? I won't call because, well, you might be in a bad mood, and all you'd need is speaking with me, but if you felt like talking to ask me 'Hey, Shisui, why eggplants are black?', don't hesitate calling me, alright?" He held Itachi's face in his hands and kissed his forehead before stepping back with a smile. "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, Shi," Another peck over the lips, and Itachi stepped back, waving while he's watching the older walking out. Once the door was closed, Itachi sighed heavily, he feels a little lost.

It's hard, impossibly hard. They give him a lot of hope, and he can swear it, that this hope hurts him much more. They promise him, give him reasons to wait, and the waiting drags on and on, makes him die a little more every second. He's frightened, seriously scared. No matter what they said to make him feel better, nothing can make him feel at ease, that's all he knows. If Redd was gone, then Itachi would seriously break down. He'll break and no one could make him whole again no matter what they do, and that includes Shisui as well.

—

The day was dragging very slowly.

No matter how hard he tried to focus, he'd fail. He held his pen, and his laptop and books were all over the coffee table. He's trying to study, and even if he's failing in that, he's still trying!

He put his hair up into a messy bun and let his fringe fall all around his face. and now his nose bridge hurts him because of his glasses, so he took it off and started massaging it, sighing, crying out, "For God's sake, I'll lose my mind!"

The whole house was dark, just the light coming from his laptop is giving him a little illumination to study. The sun already had set, and he didn't feel enough strength to get up and turn on the lights.

Is he about to have another episode of depression? _Great,_ he thought. This time won’t be just because of studying.

Sighs became more than he could take. Every few seconds he'll either exhale heavily or sigh, as if the air cannot stay put in his chest. He wants to call Shisui, but if he did, wouldn't he stall him? He still has lots of work before the weekend.

He left his pen over the notes and moved just slightly to lie over the sofa, looking at the ceiling. What's wrong with Redd? Is he mad at him? It can't be the last time, no matter how mad he was at him, he wouldn't just leave him like that. He won’t leave him, and Itachi can't even think that it was a goodbye because it's more than he can take.

The eighth day. Itachi held out his hand looking at the silver shiny wedding band. It suits him, and inside it was written the first letters of Shisui's and Redd's names, because he's theirs. Maybe Shisui was against it at the beginning, but he was persuaded after a little convincing that Itachi would feel safer this way. He loves calling Redd his husband too. And now his husband is missing. The thought alone had casted shadows over Itachi's soul.

He looked at the clock. 8:09 pm. Shisui won't get home before another two hours.

No, he can’t just hold himself back now. He took out his phone, and his finger hovered over the name, very hesitant to call, but in the end, he just did. It rang about three times just before Shisui picked up.

"Itachi, how are you sweetheart?"

"Just wanted to hear your voice." Itachi was draping his arm over his eyes.

He heard paper flipping from the other side of the line, then the wheels of the chairs that moved over the floor, and he could visualize his husband moving around to face the glass wall watching over the city lights below. The deep voice came to settle everything inside Itachi, very lovingly asked, "Did you eat, my beloved?"

"Hmm," he just hummed. He doesn’t have the energy to speak, but he wants Shisui to talk and keep talking to him.

The older understands this exactly, so he started to tell Itachi about his day. Very unimportant things that won't make a difference if he never knew about, but both know that Itachi needs to hear his voice, to hear him talking no matter what he'll say, that he needs the distraction; so Shisui kept talking.

"… he was so annoying, I almost tried to kick him. I don't know why my father insists to work with him, we don't even have anything in common! Anyways, my work here is to find what's in common and make use of it. I have _LOTS_ of work, it's tiring! I don't want to be an executive manager, I want to be a baker, what do you think? Won't I look great in an apron and a hat?"

"Imagining you like that makes me want to laugh. No, you look hotter in your black suit." Replied Itachi with a small voice while folding his raven locks around his finger, staring at the ceiling without even changing his position, even if it's been half an hour since he Shisui picked up the phone.

"His assistant kept looking me up, since you mentioned it." He cackled. "A British blonde. She must’ve been a Maria. All the British blondes call themselves Maria."

"Was her name Maria for real?"

"I don’t know. I'm just guessing. You know in every story, there must be a Maria somewhere."

"Tell her you're gay next time." He smiled, mumbling while sighing. Its' getting darker and could see black spots in the dark.

"I told you a thousand times that I'm not gay. My sexuality likes Itachi only."

"Is there anything like that in the first place?"

"Yes, I made it up myself." He sighed heavily, then added in a sultry voice. "Maybe you could attend that next meeting with me? Sit on my lap and kiss me while we're discussing the contracts? I can imagine the look on her face!!" He cackled loudly once again.

"Grow up, you kid." Itachi rolled his eyes.

"You should come out, you media-hater."

"Hell, I want my life to stay as it is. No more cheap drama about the gay fucker who stole their dream man. Please I want to be able to move around in school."

"They already know that I married a guy." Shisui rolled his eyes. "I want everyone to know you're my lover, my husband."

"We've already talked about this, and believe me, this is the worst time to talk about it again, oh?"

"It's okay, I'm sorry."

The seconds dragged on silently before Shisui broke it once more. "Did you study today?"

Itachi rested his heels on the sofa. "I'm done with just one lecture. I can’t focus, and when I tried to study another, I failed… and I miss you, and I'm tired of sitting alone. I don't know Shisui." He needs to throw all he feels out, but no matter how much he talks, it's as if he doesn’t at all.

"Why don't you go out a little? You can walk around the neighborhood, or… do you want to have dinner out tonight?" He tried to change the mood even though he knew that he won't be able to.

"No, I'll wait you. Maybe I'll try to make a few side dishes until you arrive, maybe I should let you finish your work, I've distracted you enough."

"You never distract me, sweetheart. I can work while on phone with you, so you never have to wait by yourself." Itachi heard the wheels' friction with the floor again, then he heard Shisui moving files.

"Saito wanted to play video games today and I told him it's okay, maybe after that we can…" Itachi trailed on purpose. He still feels bad about last night. He was a bad partner; it's either he refuses or responds accordingly, but what he did is inexcusable. Shisui didn't get what he wanted from that night, so there was no need for it.

"Maybe tonight you could play with Saito, and then we'd try to get Redd back? I think that's a priority now, work piles up and I'm tired of being around all the time." Even though Itachi knows this is not the real reason, but he's very thankful to Shisui.

"Oh, honey…"

"No, no, don't say anything. Maybe I'd have to take you once when he's conscious because he took you from me last night," Shisui chuckled to let the younger know that it's okay and everything is under control, and that he's not mad or frustrated in any way.

"I love you, Shisui, do you know that?" Itachi smiled till his voice was sounding like the smile on his lips, sincere and beautiful, though small and lighthearted.

"looking at the ring in my fingers, I do. I love you too, sweetheart."

The call didn’t last longer than this. Itachi decided to turn on the lights and start making few side dishes while tidying up his place. He felt if he ever gave up to depression, then it means that he's admitting that Redd is gone, and he's still holding on to hope, never wanting to let go.

—

"I told you, you should join me," He said in front of the mirror attached to the dressing table, putting a leg over the other, carrying a little container of body lotion in his hand and was applying it to his skin, wearing his short white robe.

His raven locks are over his shoulders, scented with some fruit shampoo he likes to use at night; it makes him feel like _he's a small lovely peach._ He doesn’t know what is great about being a peach, but thinking so makes him feel peaceful and able to sleep. Maybe because of its velvety texture? Maybe because of its pastel color? Maybe because it smells really special? Maybe because Shisui calls his ass **_his peach_**? he doesn’t know. But he feels fresh when he was applying the lotion to his skin.

“You know it. If I joined you, I wouldn't have kept my hands to myself." Shisui was lying in bed, shirtless while holding his phone.

"Exactly! That's the whole point." Itachi rolled his eyes, then threw the towel from his shoulder over to Shisui. "Who are you talking to? You keep on typing."

"No one, it's just Anko." Said Shisui without looking away from his screen.

Itachi was looking to the side and pouting slightly without adding anymore. He didn't join him because he's talking to Anko? He wouldn't say so, he kept quiet and just kept applying his lotion.

He was soon done, and bit his lower lip while holding the hair dryer to dry his hair before going to bed. Does Shisui remember what they said about trying to call Redd so that he might come or did he forget? Although he wants to tell him, but he won't. he doesn’t want to look as if it's the only thing he cares about, even if it was truly the _only thing_ he does care about now _._

"What are you doing? Don't you want to call Redd?" Shisui smirked while putting his phone over his chest, resting his head over the headboard.

He felt the blood rushing to his cheeks; soon it became warm and he can imagine the rosy dust over them and over his nose. Unconsciously he tucked a lock behind his ear, and started moving his feet over the velvety carpet beneath him. "Would we…?"

"Of course, we would. Didn't I promise you?" He put the phone away, then jumped out of the bed, took the dryer from Itachi's hands and turned it on to warm it a bit. He, then, held Itachi's chin moving his head towards him, was looking in his eyes, the same look that makes him feel like he's penetrating him, and smirked. "Haven't I told that I'm dying to wake him up and take you to my bed while he's conscious? You know, revenge is always sweet."

"Will he wake up for real?" Itachi's lips trembled slightly and his eyes narrowed. _Ah, don't cry!_

"He will," Shisui pecked the younger's lips. "He will, believe me. If I know something about him that I am sure about, then it's that he loves you so much, and he'd never leave you to me just by myself."

Itachi pursed his lips, and looked at the mirror to Shisui's reflection, shirtless and standing behind him, while he started drying his hair. He knows how obsessed the older is with his hair, so he let him.

He, too, knows that Redd loves him, and that Redd is a jealous man, even if he tries not to show it, but he loses it in front of Shisui sometimes. He might refuse to go unconscious if he knew that Shisui would sleep with Itachi to not let them do it, and he might become frustrated if Itachi told him how he loves Shisui. _Provoking Redd_ … is it a suitable way? He doesn't know but he's very desperate at this moment and would try anything and everything he could.

"Why don't you let your hair down all the time, baby?" Shisui asked whilst taking care of the raven long locks, and threading it with his fingers.

"It sometimes becomes very annoying. You don't know about this of course."

"Want me to let my hair grow? I won't be handsome, unlike you."

If they were alike in anything other than loving Itachi, then it would be how they're obsessed with the younger's hair. If he wants any of them to panic, then he has just to spell **scissors** in front of them. The two jerks don't know how annoying it is in college, and during hot weather. But to be honest, he, _too_ , love it, and is used to it since his mother let him grow it when he was younger.

"You're handsome whatever you do, Shisui." He bit his lower lip nervously, while the man behind him put a lot of concentration in what he's doing. He was dealing very gently with the locks; with softness that he never treats even Itachi with when he's under him!

"We're done!" Shisui exclaimed happily after he was done. He put his arms under Itachi's and pulled him to a hug, while putting some wet kisses over the length of his neck, ending the line with a bite that made Itachi hiss, then he licked it with the tip of his tongue. "Sweetheart…"

He can swear that Shisui's playing him!! He just refused to join him to bathe and told him they won't be doing any _naughty_ thing today, then kisses him this way! Itachi's so nervous today, and this is not helpful, but he moaned anyway when Shisui started sucking over the bite.

Itachi bit his lip, before hearing a soft whisper, "At least when he fronts, he'd think we did something, too bad he didn't get to do that."

_Just let him front, it doesn't matter what will happen after that._

He didn't reply, just hugged Shisui, and buried his face into his chest.

Scared… he's so scared.

"let's go to bed? What do you think will happen if he fronted and saw you like this?"

Weakly, Itachi smiled and murmured, "He'd be happy he fronted at the right time and won't let you take me."

"Do I have to go first before him, then?" Another kiss just below Itachi's ear.

"I told you to do…."

"You don't know how much I long to take you when he's around."

Is it, perhaps, Shisui's way to provoke him? To talk about him, to do this to him –all that he's doing right now- how he messes with him, just to _provoke_ Redd to come around and front?

For god's sake what is he waiting for?

Okay, fine, you asshole.

He stood up abruptly, and pushed Shisui over the chest few times until the latter was on his back on the bed, and Itachi hovered over him, sitting on his lap, touching every inch in his body, pressing it on purpose, his locks touching Shisui's skin gently. His voice came out breathy, whispering, licking Shisui's ear shell with the tip of his tongue. "I don't know if Redd would let you do it? Take me? Hmm? Would you? Somewhere deep inside, asleep for some reason, and let Shisui inside me?" He pressed his knee in between Shisui's thighs. Seriously, he wouldn't stop messing with his sinful tongue. "Would you, Redd?"

Shisui moaned. He loves this Itachi, the wild, lusty, savage Itachi, who likes to lead them. He was so lost in feelings, but still cannot feel Redd… just… nothing.

The short robe Itachi's wearing was allowing Shisui to touch his thighs, and maybe letting his hand wander to the inside of it to feel the warm, soft skin. He still doesn't know what great thing he might've did in his past life to be rewarded with Itachi in this life. Despite all the hurting, all the trauma and his dissociation of identity, he just looks at what is great in his life, Itachi alone.

"That asshole, fuck him, damn me if I slept to leave you with him and he'd wake me up to this." He just mumbled, feeling the naked Itachi under the robe trying to touch him even more.

Itachi just chuckled while moving his fingertips over Shisui's bare chest. "You don't want to wake up to your lover like this?"

"Probably if I did, you won't go to college for a week. I'll lock us here together, and I might take care of you because you won't be able to even go to the bathroom by yourself, you know?"

Another lick, just below his ear, then went back to whispering with the most sultry sound that Shisui had ever heard. "Do you hear that, Redd? For a week, hmm? He'll keep taking me for a week, and honestly I won't complain. You know, I've told you before, haven't I?” He bit his ear very gently. "Haven't I told you before that sex with Shisui is really, really, special? Maybe you'll be the only one to lose here. Do you prefer sleep to staying with me here? The competition, would you lose willingly?"

"Wait, wait!" Shisui held Itachi's shoulders and made him move away a little to look straight into his eyes. "What did you tell him about sleeping with me?"

Itachi chuckled while making himself comfortable over his husband's lap, and licked his lips, thinking, "What did I tell him? Redd… wouldn't you come and tell him?"

"No, no, truthfully, what did you tell him?"

"It was a fight and I tried to annoy him. But everything I told him about my time with you in bed is being the best is true." He avoided eye contact with him.

Shy Itachi was back quickly and overdid the wild Itachi that was around just moments ago.

"So… even Redd can't be compared to me?” He asked slyly.

"God! What’s wrong with you two?! Honey, he's not someone else. you both share the same…" Itachi moved a little over Shisui's length. "Don't be deceived or saddened."

Shisui snickered, "I think I move my hips way better than he does."

Itachi rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Shisui. you don’t know about his _moves_ to compare."

"Hey! We're provoking me now, not him!"

"You started this!"

They both laughed for a moment before stopping altogether. Itachi smiled and sighed. "Nothing?"

"Not yet. But I still have so much more, believe me I don't hold grudges, but I still have a share in you, and I'll make a use of it if that fucker didn't show up."

"Don't curse him!"

He rolled his eyes, scoffing. "No one spoils him but you."

"I'll spoil him as much as I want!” Itachi swallowed, then leaned over him once more, with the same whispered voice beside his ears. He's just hoping that at some point he will be heard. He's hoping to be heard; Redd was able to hear him anywhere even if his voice was too small. And he wishes as well that all of this is not hurting Shisui. He wants to be with him, between his arms, to touch him, to do everything for him, not to provoke another man. At least it's somehow really _another man._

And yesterday, just yesterday, he didn't give him what he needed. Shit, he feels horrible! The worst in the whole world! He understands well that if Redd didn't front, he won't be able to go on with what he started with Shisui. He'll be broken, and maybe he'll start crying openly, and Shisui would have to deal with his _problems_ on his own and… damn it! He feels like crying now.

He bit his lower lip hard, then moved a little, holding Shisui's shoulders, and sighed, trembling, "Redd, please. I beg you, it's enough! At least just front to tell me you're fine, that you just need a little sleep, and I'll let you go back, okay? Redd it's enough, really. You make me broken and desperate, you make a selfish bastard out of me, you… you…" he quivered and started to cry a little. "Redd, that makes you a selfish jerk too! who let you? Who allowed you to go suddenly like this? What am I to you to desert me like this, after all these years, after… after I fell in love with you?!!! _More than anything in my life, I've loved you!_ For fuck's sake, don't you hear me? My voice doesn't reach you? Don't you want to say _goodbye_ at least? Don't you have… don't you have at least anything to say? All that is between us doesn't deserve even a goodbye? **_Goodbye…?_** Redd, will you really say goodbye? Did you stop loving me and want just to… break up?" he trembled and started crying.

Even Shisui was touched by the words, and felt his heart breaking, seeing Itachi's tears like this. Somehow, a part of him he can't control, is what is making Itachi cry this much, is hurting him, and is making him feel like he's abandoned him, when in fact, neither him nor any part of him can live without Itachi. Honestly, he's so full of Itachi's love to the brim, that's why he is jealous of Redd, because a part of him is so in love with Itachi and wants to take all the love to himself, wants to take care of him and take him to himself alone so far away.

Shisui sat up, holding the younger in his arms and patting his back, and Itachi was only crying over his shoulder, trembling lightly in his arms.

 _'Redd, you fucker, where the hell are you? Why are you doing this to him?'_ he was screaming inside his head, but it's as if there's only a void in Redd's place, then Saito flinched and Shisui could feel him. He doesn’t need a crying Saito now on top of everything.

"Itachi, sweetheart, calm down. I'm sorry! Maybe he's… maybe he's just not aware enough, but he won't break up with you. he's a part of me, Ita, and a part of me will never abandon you." He was caressing his back while holding him close.

"No, no, no…" he felt the body in his arms shivering more, very miserably, heartbreakingly, in a way that can't make Shisui but feel pain and uselessness. Itachi held on to him more, the tears are wetting the bare shoulder, sobbing loudly. "This hurts so bad… I swear it hurts so bad! I wouldn't have let him go, I wouldn't have let his hand go, I wouldn't have left him suddenly and let him think: _maybe I've hurt him? Maybe I've made him sad? Maybe I'm just not good enough? Maybe I've become boring? Maybe he'd just lost interest? Maybe my presence became too much of a nuisance and he couldn't get rid of me so he just decided to run away?_ I would never do this to him. I would never abandon him like that, I would never hurt him like that. I would never push him to the point where he feels like a selfish jerk. Redd, you asshole! You're not allowed to leave me, you swore to God on the altar that you'd stay with me forever, and one's death is the other's as well. Do men keep their word like that? You coward! You coward come here and tell me that you hate me, that you… that you… ah" he held on tighter to Shisui's neck, wailing even more, with lots of hurtful sobs.

The helplessness that holds tight to Shisui's neck is smothering him. He just wants to get a hold of Redd and to beat him to death. If he could anyway beat himself. How can he does that to his lover? How can he make him feel like he's nothing like this?

He held Itachi closer. Why doesn't the fuck he wake up? Why can't he come and let the younger stop questioning himself if he was good enough? If he deserves anything? Because no one in this whole world deserves to be loved and appreciated and cared for as much as Itachi.

"Itachi, please… don't think this way."

"He abandoned me. He abandoned me and doesn't want anything to do with me, he ran away. Maybe I was holding too tightly and he felt like he's suffocating, ah…" He whimpered in pain and started hitting his chest to stop the pain that is about to swallow him whole. "I'm stupid, I'm the stupidest dumb who keeps himself around you like the whole world revolves around me, and I'm _nothing!_ I'm just a rock in space, not a luminous star… I'm –" He sobbed while hitting Shisui's arm and shoulder. "One day, you too, you too will abandon me… one day –"

"Stop the bullshit, Itachi. I never did, and Redd didn't _abandon_ you. You'd find him soon fronting, he can never do that. If anyone knows him too well, then it might as well be me, and he's so crazily in love with you, he'd prefer to die over abandoning you!"

Shisui sighed. _'Fuck you, Redd. Fuck you, I hope you burn in hell for this.'_

He sat straight, looking in these teary, glassy orbs. Itachi's lids are so red, his opsidian orbs are dull, sad, drowned in sorrow and agony. In his eyes, there's a window, shows him the void in his soul, the feeling of being abandoned is still hurting him. And no matter how he feels, he's still holding on to the hope, that small spark of hope that he might've heard him, might've felt how hurt he is, and that he might front for few moments just to bandage his wound, to treat him with a kiss, like how people do with kinds, but he returned empty handed.

His voice didn't reach Redd, nor the eyes of Shisui have changed, no sign at all that he was hurt.

He wailed even more, he was so broken. "Just let him know, tell him I'll hate him. I swear I will for the rest of my life. He's abandoned me! He's… he’s letting that horrible feeling eat me out alive. I'll hate him!"

He separated his body from the older's, and went under the cold covers. He hid his tears and broken soul under the cover, his back facing Shisui. He can't face him with those tears.

He rolled his body into a ball, rocking himself back and forth, trying to tell himself that it's okay _._ But the pain is bigger than he can take, like a black-hole swallowing him, leaving nothing behind. He sobbed once more and hugged himself.

Love can make one the strongest and the weakest, can take one to the highest heaven or throw him in the darkest hell, can make one the happiest or the most miserable alive. And Itachi is both, and he's scared, oh God, how scared he is to be left alone! He doesn't have but Shisui, Redd, Saito, and Sasuke. His world is this small, yes. Would it even shrink more? He's scared, hell, he wants to die instead of facing this pain!

On the other side, Shisui was so angry, mad at his damned self, that decided to turn off a part of him, and now he has to deal with a pain he, somehow, had caused, and he's the only one who can heal, but he's chained to the ground, helpless.

He can't even try to act like Redd…

He exhaled and back-hugged Itachi, putting a hand over his heart. "I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. Please don't hurt like this. I'm sorry, Itachi." He placed a kiss over the younger's hair.

Everything that's happening now is way more than he can take. He could take anything, literally anything, but Redd's absence? His departure without any warning or a valid reason, and without having the chance to put a closure to this relationship that meant everything to him. He can't take this. This is end for him, he's about to break.

He was with him, here, for years, and every time he needed him, every time he was the weakest, Redd was here. Every time Itachi was lonely, Redd was here. Wasn't he there in the first place to protect him? Wasn't he made to care about him? Did he stop feeling that he needs to be protected? Did he think that Itachi might be safe now and there's no need to be around him? Because if this is the case, Itachi is ready to throw himself in front of a car! If that danger is what could bring him back, then he'll do it. Without hesitation, he'll do it.

 _'please come back… please! Redd, I'm desperately begging you to come back._ _This is not fair. Totally not fair, Redd.’_

He buried his face into his pillow, and his crying and whimpering became much louder. And from behind him, Shisui didn't have anything to do but hold him even closer, and share him the crying.

There's no presence of Redd. His head is totally empty. Did he really disappear?

—

The days went by torturously. 

Another seven days and Itachi was exhausted completely. He doesn't go to school, doesn't answer his friends calls. He turned off his phone, stopped studying, barely eating, barely talking, barely gets out of bed, barely lights his room, barely does anything!

Shisui had seen him depressed before, but Itachi was always strong; he would refuse to give up to depression quickly; he would fight for a long time, he would force himself to become okay, and Redd would help him.

_Redd, you bastard._

_You fucking asshole!_

And truthfully, Saito was helping enough not to front, because Itachi wouldn't be able to take care of him. Even though Shisui was tired from staying around the whole time, he didn't know what else to do.

What should he do?

It was 4 in the afternoon, and Itachi was still in bed, asking for some time alone –he's almost spending the whole time by himself- and Shisui was trying to distract himself by watching TV, but it's not working, no matter how hard he tried to talk to the jerk, nothing works.

What should he do with his lover?

He threw the remote over to the other sofa, and got up. He's tired of everything, having to be around all the time, seeing Itachi dying a little more each day, being helpless, and he's technically _the reason_ for the pain but cannot heal it. He sighed and ran a hand over his curly locks, he'll try at least to be of use. He got up and headed to the kitchen to brew some tea, and put some biscuits in a small plate, while trying to paint a smile over his face heading upstairs.

He knocked twice, but he's got no answer. He just hopes Itachi is asleep. Shisui opened the door silently and entered the dark room, where he found the duvet covering his husband's head. He put the tray on the nightstand, and sat on the edge, putting a hand over Itachi's shoulder trying to wake him gently. "Sweetheart, you asleep?" He felt the head shaking, telling him that he's not. He tried hard not to sigh, and tried to sound chirpy. "I brewed you some tea, and got the biscuits you love so much, come on, you're barely eating anything, Ita."

"Don't want…" He didn't want to sound like a complaining spoiled brat, but he really can't eat. As if everything within him had lost the will to live. "Thank you," he added but didn't show up from beneath the duvet yet.

"Itachi," Shisui tried to pull the duvet a little. "Maybe he's just not conscious for the time being. I'm here with you, and nothing had happened so that he disappears. He'll be back, don't lose your will to live like that, it hurts me, Itachi." He said truthfully, and the sighs raced to leave his lips.

The younger sat up obediently while avoiding the older's gaze. "I'm sorry," he moved as if programmed, and held the tea cup, sipping even though it's still very hot. Shisui took it away from him.

"For God's sake, what are you doing? You're burning your tongue like this!" Shisui shouted.

"What do you want me to do, Shisui? Tell me and I'll do it, but I don't want anything! I'm the one who wants to disappear now!" Itachi exclaimed. He's very irritable, and can't control his anger.

"I just want you to be okay! I want you to stop hurting yourself like this. Don't punish yourself over his fucked up behavior!"

"I CAN’T be okay! I'm sorry I can't be okay! I can't just say that, _oh, okay he's gone, he returned to be one with Shisui._ I'm sorry I'm being selfish but I can't do it! Not after all this time, all these years, not after I got used to each of you and could memorize everything about you too. I can't, after 14 years, just sit here, convinced that a part of you, a huge part of you that I can differentiate from you, isn't around anymore! He just ceased to exist! It's easier to convince myself that he's mad at me, that he's bored of me, that he wants to break up with me, than just give up and accept that he's gone, that he _disappeared_ , without even willing to do so, he just stopped being there! Fuck, I'm not fine! I can't be fine. Hell, I'm sorry for being the worst husband in the whole world. I'm a fucking selfish asshole, so please leave. Get out of the house, get away from this depressing environment that I make, until I'm okay with him being… gone." He removed the duvet away from his body violently, and went straight to the bathroom, and smacked the door right behind him.

—

After that fight, Shisui didn't try saying anything else. 

How does it feel when someone feels that he's guilty over something he didn't do?

He felt a little spark of hope when, someday in the next week, Itachi returned to going to school. Maybe he's getting a little better?

He was wrong.

Totally wrong.

Exams. He just realized this. Itachi has exams, and he has to spend hours and hours to make up for the time and lectures he wasted. It's so obvious he's having trouble focusing, and Shisui wanted to tell him to just stop, that he's not asked to study this much, but he would've done it any time but now.

What can he do?

Itachi had moved his stay to the living room. A duvet around him and a pillow on the couch's side because he pulls all-nighters to study, only sleeps for a couple of hours before going to college and a couple after. All the time, he's either on his laptop or trying to jot down notes after re-listening to the lectures he missed, wearing his glasses for a long time until he gets headache, and there were some painkiller tablets beside him all the time.

Shisui tried once, when Itachi was asleep, to listen to a lecture and summarize it or highlighting the important notes, but he wasn't very successful. So, he just… he just tried not to be a burden to Itachi. He would bring takeouts with him when he comes home, and would sometimes bring over some files to work at home so that he won't leave his husband alone. He made numerous teas and herb brews he found online that might help Itachi to relax or focus, and maybe he even called his personal doctor asking for some antidepressant that might help his husband because he's just deteriorating.

He was holding a tray with some warm cup and biscuits once again, just like how he did for the more than a week now, and put it beside Itachi's laptop.

"When is your break?" He asked him gently while holding a file to work on it beside Itachi.

"I can't get a break, there are still three more long chapters and my exam is in two days. I just… have to hurry up." Itachi massaged his temples.

If there was one strong reason why Itachi is trying his best not to give up to depression, it's just he doesn’t have time for it. Studying medicine was destroying him, that's what Shisui believed. He should've chosen a major that doesn't exhaust him this much. Four years so far, and the further he progresses, the harder it gets.

Sometimes, he would hear the younger crying at night while studying, and it would repeat much more when he has an exam coming up. Shisui wouldn't even make up the courage to come closer to him or try soothing him, because he knows that it won't help the least bit. He tried once, just once, and that day Itachi's crying became even worse because ‘ _he doesn't have the time for so’_ and he has to _fucking leave him alone until he's done._ He kept crying while studying.

So many times before he thought about talking to Itachi and telling him that he should just… stop. But at that time, Redd told him to shut the fuck up and to just support Itachi because it’s what he loves, what he chose, what Itachi sees himself doing and dreams about and is trying so hard to achieve.

Redd had told him so, how can Itachi leave all of this behind now? How hard is it on him during this time? During exams?

"Okay, do I get you some sandwiches for lunch?"

"Put some poison in it please, I just want to die, this useless brain had stopped working." He took off his glasses and put his face between his palms tiredly. Shisui could even hear how his bones cracked.

Honestly, Shisui wants to punish Itachi for what he said, but he can't find it within himself to do it now. Not when his husband is tired and has no time to argue, and is depressed as hell.

"Take it easy, sweetheart. You won't be able to go on like this. What do you think about sleeping for a couple of hours in bed, and I'll wake you up? Sleeping here is tiring, Itachi." Said Shisui while sitting beside Itachi, trying to massage his nape and shoulders.

The younger kept his face in buried in his palms. "If I rested, I won't wake up. I have to feel restless to get myself to get up to continue."

"Itachi! Itachi, please, stop hurting yourself."

"Not once again, Shisui. Seriously I have no time to breathe. I'm not arguing with you now." Itachi said decisively. If Redd had left him, he can't just sacrifice everything else, or he'll try not to.

"Okay, don't go upstairs. I'll make you a bed on the floor. You need to rest a little."

Because Itachi wasn't able to argue, he just told him, "Okay, do whatever you want."

A kiss over Itachi's crown and Shisui left to their room, taking things one by one to the couch and then making a bed right beside it.

"Just sleep a little, okay? Don't think about anything and just get some sleep." He put him to bed, and made sure the pillows were soft and comfortable under his head, then covered him with the duvet and kissed his head over before turning the lights off, wishing he'd nap a little to rest his mind and body.

When three hours had passed and Shisui had to wake him up, he was about to cry. He was struggling, conflicted what if he just let him sleep today? But he knows Itachi would fight with him and it would make his depression even worse; Itachi wouldn't trust that he's gonna wake him up again and would just overwork himself. So he let him sleep one extra hour, then woke him with a pained expression. Fuck exams, seriously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't Shisui the greatest lover ever? xD  
> Exams are a bitch, longing is a bitch, and depression is even a bigger bitch. poor Itachi 😭  
> Thank you for your support so far, it would be so nice of you if you left some comments. We have lots of projects in mind for our babies, and comments would help us continue with this ❤  
> Please enjoy, and wait for the next chapter in few more hours~


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, coming with a new update~  
> We thought that maybe we should clarify some things about the condition in case you didn't know about it.  
> DID actually results from a sever trauma in the childhood, though it won't be discusses in this story, we'll be discussing it in the next stories. One who has DID can have at least 2 other distinct personalities, and there can be much more, according to the latest studies. Personalities can be classified into different categories, and here, Shisui is the main host, the one who is responsible for taking care of the body and everyday needs. While Redd is a protector, someone who mainly fronts if it's needed, or to make sure everything is going alright. There can be some times where an alter doesn't front frequently, and it's totally normal. In here, Redd is used to front frequently, that's why Itachi was panicking.  
> One more thing, DID doesn't have a definitive treatment, and usually the person is advised by therapy to have peace with the system, the collective name for all alters.  
> Some of you had thought that Itachi is selfish, or he's acting like he only loved Redd, but this is not the case. He's just worried about his Redd, and if it was Shisui, he would've done the same. You can think of it as a polyamorous relationship, though its actually is not, but to make it easier to understand.  
> Ah, with that being said, enjoy this chapter.

The first exam went by well, but it didn't make Itachi any less anxious; Itachi's anxiety was even more now. Redd has been gone for a month, and it was more than he can take. Shisui heard him finally crying when he was taking a bath after that first test. And because he couldn't take seeing him breaking any longer, he put a pill in his juice to make him fall asleep, then carried him to their room, to make up for the rest he missed, even if it was against his will.

Luckily, they didn't fight the next day. Itachi just said that he's grateful to what his husband had done, that he was planning to rest that day before going back to studying.

Sometime in the fifth week after Redd was gone, Sasuke came to visit. The 17 year old, the sharp tongued boy that Itachi spoils so much came to see him, which made Shisui very thankful. Maybe Sasuke can make Itachi cheer up a bit. Yet he couldn't.

"You look… awful!" He said once he entered the living room after Shisui greeted him at the door. Itachi's books and notes were everywhere, and he was just a tired piece amongst them. Dark circles and swollen eyes, pale face, and weight loss were all too much. Itachi had his hair up in a messy bun along with his fringe. There were traces of dried tears over his cheeks, and Shisui didn't know if it was because Itachi was tired or because of Redd's absence.

"Awful doesn’t even do me good," He didn't even raise his head from the notes he's taking. He didn't even greet Sasuke.

"Go die, nii-san. You look so fucked up for real."

"I told Shisui to put some poison in my food but he refuses to do it."

"You really look pathetic." The younger among the three rolled his eyes and sat on the couch across from Itachi. He got something out of his pocket and threw it at his brother.

It was Itachi's favorite chocolate from his childhood. A brand that's almost not in the markets; Shisui and Redd always look for it but can never find, maybe they found it only once. Hell, from where did Sasuke get these?!

"Sasuke, you just gotta admit, do you buy it all from the markets?" Shisui sighed, looking at Itachi who was biting some while studying, not caring about the other two in the room.

Sasuke just snickered and rolled his eyes, then looked back at Itachi. "Nii-san…" He waited until Itachi looked at him, and he smiled enthusiastically. "Fight!"

He didn't wait for a reply and just waved, getting up already. "I'll see you around, you old ugly man. Don't abuse Aniki's ass until he's done, or I'll kick your ass. Keep your dick in your pants, okay?" Sasuke turned to Shisui with a smirk.

He closed the door behind him, not waiting for Shisui to say anything.

_“That young fucker!”_ Shisui only hissed under his breath.

—

After the 7th week was done, and after Itachi's exams were finally over giving him a break for a week, he finally got the chance to break down. He broke down completely, like no one has ever broken down before.

He was crying the whole day, since he woke up. He was crying miserably. He kept crying in bed after waking up late, hours after Shisui's had gone to work. By the afternoon, he went to wash up, still crying. He sat under the water stream crying hot tears; water is washing it over to be replaced with another wave of tears.

He was tired, desperate, as if he was literally been dumped. Without a word, without a warning, as if he doesn’t deserve to be thought about twice.

To torture himself even more, he started recalling all the moments he shared with Redd, starting from the very first day, trying to find his mistakes to excuse the other's disappearance or departure, whichever is true. He recalled every time they fought, all the bad words he'd said about Redd, and was deciding which was the worst so that Redd would choose to leave without a word.

Was the previous time he saw him really the last time? Did Redd feel like he was… _disappearing_ and tried to tell him to spend time with him? Was the exam more important than Redd? _Hell, no!_ If he'd gotten an average mark he would've made it up another time, but Redd, oh, God, how can he make up for Redd's departure? How can he replace his absence, his love, his hug?

The tears rolled out even more, and mixed with the water drops coming from the shower. Mess everywhere, just like the mess inside him.

After a long time he got out of the tub, the water dripping from him all around over the dry floor, just like his hopes and dreams do. How can the world still revolve and go on when Redd is not here? As if nothing changed but him. He's crying him, mourning him as if he was the only one who could see him, as if his world revolved around Redd, and now his world has stopped while the world outside kept moving, leaving him alone, still.

He doesn't want to admit it, but the time is dragging, and he started losing hope that Redd might front, even if he doesn't want but to hold on to him, even if his wrist hurts and feels like it will dislodge, but he refuses to let him go.

He quivered through the tears, and wore some dark clothes, his hair wet his back and he didn't even care. He got out of the bathroom carrying the heavy burden over his shoulders. He's about to fall, but he can't do anything but carry it around.

In a night filled with scars, Redd was the one to save his life, he saved the spark inside him to not go off. Every time he was the one to give him everything, the one to make him get up to his feet once more, the one to give him strength, hope and will to go on. Itachi even owes him all that he is now, that he never let him break even once, and he can't imagine how to take another step without Redd holding his hands.

The thoughts keep running in his head and make him want to cry even more, make his chest tightens even more, and the pain smothers him. The sobs made a lump in his throat that keeps him from breathing normally, and every now and then he'd sigh or whimper loudly because he just can't keep it.

Messily he went to bed again. The sun has set and he didn't eat breakfast yet, but his appetite is nonexistent. His hair wet his bed as well, but he didn't care. He rolled into a ball and kept crying. He hates to admit it, but with everything that's been happening, he feels that Redd has left him.

Redd has left him. _Redd has left him!_ Whether he likes it or not, Redd has left him. Whether Redd likes it or not, he's not here. He's not with him, and it hurts him.

Maybe he dozed off, he doesn't know. The time had stopped since that day. But he heard some movement in the room to realize that Shisui must have returned from work. He couldn't even greet him. Shisui washed up and changed, thinking Itachi is asleep and didn't want to wake him up. But when he came to lie next to him, he thought that maybe he should wake the younger up since he most probably didn't eat. Once his back touched the bed, he felt something different, something he hasn't felt in some time already! His lips trembled and he just whispered, "Itachi…"

The younger didn’t move, kept closing his eyes shut. He doesn't have the strength to talk to Shisui now, doesn't have the energy to tell him that he's tired and just wants to die because the pain is unbearable.

But after few seconds, he felt the arms winding up around him softly, and a head is put on his nape. "Itachi." He called him once again, with a slightly different tone this time, but Itachi is drowning in a swamp and can't see the dawn near the surface.

"Itachi?" He repeated after few moments later. As if there was a storm in his head, and the waves are drowning him, Itachi wasn't able to make sense of what's happening.

"Shisui, i… please, I just can't live today. Please leave me alone!"

"You can't live today? What's wrong, darling? Is it that bad?" He bit his lower lip nervously, to continue, "Didn't you miss me?" he tried once more.

"I do, but my heart…" He felt Itachi's hand hitting the latter's chest. "My heart hurts."

He couldn't but reach his hand to pat the place gently, then put a soft kiss over Itachi's nape. "I'm sorry. I missed you. I missed you so much, i'm sorry, just don't do this.”

Maybe Itachi can't take in the truth, or maybe he refuses to believe, afraid to do so not to let his heart would break on the doorstep even before he could even step into the dream. It hurt him to the point that he can't dream of Redd, and when he did, he woke up with an emotional breakdown. He didn't want the morning to come, nor did he want to open his eyes. He wanted to keep his eyes shut forever if it meant that he can be with Redd, even if it was in an imaginary world in his head.

So when he heard the broken accent at the end of the words, the accent he knows all too well, his heart skipped a beat and he opened his eyes wide, the tears didn't stop and the hand that was clutching his clothes let go of it.

"Please don't do this to me. The screaming inside is way too enough." Redd told him quietly. But he didn't force him to do anything, not speak nor move. He's already feeling guilty. But he was just… _unconscious._ It's as if, for him, he was just fast asleep, and had just opened his eyes, and he doesn’t know for how long he'd been out.

Itachi's lips quivered, he didn’t want to believe it because it will break him so bad. No. Shisui wouldn't try to act like Redd, he won't break him this way.

He wanted to call him, but instead his voice broke and let out a loud sob. A sob after another, and his whole body started trembling.

"Do you hate me this much? You don't even want to see me? Did I hurt you this much? Do you want me to go?"

"No!" he exclaimed immediately, holding the arm around his chest. He was shaking hard. Who goes? No, he won't!

"But you don't turn around, you don't want to see me? Mad at me this much?" He hummed over the skin of his nape while holding him too tightly.

Itachi was scared, like fuck he was scared. If it wasn't for Redd he's afraid he might start hurting himself just to distract himself from the pain in his chest. He whispered, scared, while clutching to the hand over his chest. "Redd?" he doesn’t even know if he was heard, but he's afraid to ask, afraid that the blade of the truth might cut his dream. He was scared of two letters and begging for another three. "Redd?" He asked once again, maybe the man didn't hear him. He doesn't want to imagine that the answer didn't come because it's not the one he wants. Like a star twinkling in the sky, and if the answer is **_no_** , then the star would die, turning into a black hole that would suck his entire existence.

"It's me. Redd. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please just turn around."

Itachi sobbed once more, holding tighter to the hand holding him. Redd. Redd fronted. Redd was able to feel the darkness that's eating up his soul and his existence. Redd misses him, Redd hasn't left him. Redd didn't break up with him, Redd still loves him, Redd is still here.

With another sob, he tried to talk. "I'm…. my body… I can't feel my body. I'm…" He sobbed once again. He can't even do anything as small as turning around to his lover to tell him how much he'd missed him, how mad he is at him, and how much he wants to apologize because there's nothing more important than him.

"Oh, God, what's wrong with you?" Redd panicked and tried to let Itachi go to turn him around, but the younger is holding onto him so tight, refusing to let go. So he tried to turn the body in his arms slowly without hurting him and without letting him go. "Itachi… oh, God, what's wrong?” He was literally panicking, seeing his lover pale as dead, and the tears are all over his face.

"Redd…?" he was asking once again, afraid that everything might break now.

"It's me, it's me, darling. It's me, I'm sorry!"

Itachi broke into loud sobs, pained cries and trembling body, all while trying to clutch onto the shirt of the man who's holding him now. "Redd…" he was shaking hard, he doesn't even know if he was hurt as hell or relaxed now that Redd is here. His whole body is lax and doesn't have enough energy even to hug the man he missed like hell.

There was a huge mess inside his head then; a mess of words, without leaving him a chance to arrange them or say them, very heavy on his tongue, so it came out as pained sobs.

He didn't realize his nails were scratching Redd's chest. Yes, he was clutching onto him this much, he wasn't even aware that he's doing this, and his hysterical crying wouldn't stop for seconds even to let him catch his breath, not even to say anything, though he wanted to say so much at the moment. 

He wanted to scream at him that he was about to go crazy, he's _already_ gone crazy. Redd was gone for two months, two damn months, without even fronting for a second. He wanted to tell him that he was that desperate to tell _a child_ to try to wake him up. He was that desperate to do what he'd done to Shisui, making him feel like he's nothing, he even tried to wake Redd up when Shisui was fronting, that he'd done everything wrong, that he's… given up! That he gave up in the end that he'll never be back. That he tried to hate him, that he tried to recall anything that Redd has done before, anything bad and had angered him or made him sad, and kept exaggerating it in his head just to make Redd look like the bastard who doesn't deserve anything just to be able to hate him, to finally convince himself that his disappearance was for the best, and to persuade his heart that there's nothing better than his absence, his giving up on him, to stop waiting him, to stop longing for him, to stop the pain, to just stop EVERYTHING.

How pathetic, and how ironic it is, that whenever he looked for bad traits, he'd find a thousand reason to forgive him, to miss him, and to wait for him a little more.

Every day, he'd promise himself, his very pathetic self, that today's is the last time he'd wait, that he'd hate him tomorrow, yes, he would. But tomorrow never comes!

But he'd tried.

Tried!

"Itachi, stop crying, please." Redd closed his eyes shut to prevent the hot tears from rolling down his face, and held the trembling body closer, trying as much as possible to stop the trembles at least. But the tighter the hug, the more the trembles are, the sadder it gets.

"I'm sorry, oh I'm so sorry, I apologize. I know that these words are nothing to erase the pain you've felt for days, I understand this, Itachi, but I swear, my darling, my only love, my baby, my soulmate, my friend, my husband, that I…. That I…" he choked over the tears and sobbed while burying his face in Itachi's dewy hair. "I swear that I never meant to cause you any sadness or agony, I wouldn't mean to leave you, I won't! I just didn't know that I was unconscious all this time, I just… wasn't around. I'm so ashamed, Itachi, that all of this is because of me. Oh, darling, please let me pay you back for all the cracks I caused your soul."

"As if anything, Redd, anything I'd do, would erase those nightmares. God, I can't believe, I can't believe that the reality, _my reality_ , was way worse than the nightmares. I didn't find anything to console me, your fault? Maybe it's not your fault. But I can't forgive you. I just can't."

"Don't forgive me, then. Don't. Hate me as much as you could, you have all the right to do so, I know you have all the right. I left you all this time for that jerk, so I really deserve to be punished." He sobbed once more, and kissed the raven locks again. "But you know what? I'm the only jerk here. Honestly, he deserves you more than I do."

"Don't call yourself names, you fucker!" He raised his head just a little bit to look at him. He looked very horrible. He's pale, agonized, hurt, his eyes had lost their spark, withered, as if it's about to die.

"But I deserve this."

"I'm the only one who can call you names!" He sniffled and went back to burying his face into the older's neck. "I feel dizzy, as if I'm about to faint."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Itachi. I've never felt as bad in my entire life."

"Don't you ever, _EVER_ , do it again. Believe me I wouldn't be able to hold on." He trembled for the last time, before his body starts to relax gradually. "Don't go, stay for a while."

"For the first time, he's cooperative, so I think I would."

"Even if he's not, you will stay, you jerk!" He hit Redd's chest hard. Seriously Redd felt as if his ribs broke, but can he complain?

He pulled the younger closer and buried his face in the neck he loves the most. Itachi was still slightly trembling. Redd was really hunching his back in a way that must've hurt, but he just wants to hug Itachi and to make up for what he did. He could hear the younger's breath this close, and they're still unstable.

"Redd?" He heard the younger calling from between his arms, and without letting him go, he just hummed. He heard him talking again, with a broken tone. "I just want to keep calling your name. Redd." Redd just hummed once more and held tighter.

"I miss you, Redd. Don't ever do this again, even if it's out of your control, don't do this to me again. Don't leave me again."

What even had happened so that he was unconscious all that time? It never happened before. And honestly he can't reassure Itachi, since he doesn’t know what is wrong, **_but_** he won't say that, not now. Who said we're always should be honest? Sometimes one has to lie, and maybe this lie won't count.

He can promise him, from the bottom of his heart that he'd do everything he can to not let this happen again.

He put his arms under the younger's and pulled him closer, trying to make him sleep on top of him, to look at him this up close, smiling. "I won't." he tucked a lock behind the raven head's ear, and smiled once again, this time lovingly. "Won't you kiss me yet? Are you this mad at me?"

Itachi's eyes can't focus just yet. He took a deep, shaky breath, and put his hands over the other's shoulders, and instead of kissing him, he laid his head on his shoulder and hugged him close. "Let me hug you first." He needs to feel safe, needs to feel that Redd is actually here. "Hug me."

And who's Redd to deny him that? He wound his arms around him, started kissing the crown of his head, kissing any place his lips can reach. "I'm sorry." He'll apologize for a long time, and he thinks that just saying sorry is not enough.

Suddenly, he felt Itachi trying to break free from the hug, so he let him, just to find the younger raising his head and then touching the older's lips in a silent, innocent kiss, but Redd knows exactly how Itachi feels. He moved him a little, and then held onto his neck to pull him closer, while kissing those luscious lips. Oh, how he longed for him.

He can feel, even during the kiss, that the younger was dead tired. His lips moves were languid; he doesn’t even have the strength to share a true kiss. The trembling is still shaking him slightly, and some tired sigh escaped his lips when the kiss broke with a silent bop.

Redd threaded his fingers through the younger's hair, and went on to massage his scalp lovingly. "You look so tired."

"I cried so much. I've been crying nonstop since the morning, and I didn't eat or even drink. For the past days I did nothing but cry and study, you asshole."

Looks like he has to get used to be cursed at for some time, right? If it was any time else, he would've replied, but not now.

"I'm sorry. I'm truthfully sorry." Redd sighed and slid his hands over to the other's hips. "let's take care of you first?" He asked while trying to smile.

"Shisui had just… gotten home, I guess. You need to rest. Just let me sleep in your arms, I'll be fine." Itachi, who was sitting on the older's stomach was about to lean and sleep on top of the elder while holding him, but he was stopped.

"I'm fine, let's fix you something to eat, and then we'll do whatever you like. I feel bad how you look so weak like this."

"I won't leave you, Redd. You bastard I'll stick to you and won't let you go!" Itachi hiccupped after his long crying,

"Don’t leave me then, don't ever do." A last kiss over his temple, then the older patted his hips so that he'd move first.

When the younger got off the bed, Redd followed, and without giving him a chance to refuse, as if he'd ever do, he held him bridal style then smirked. "You can't even take separating from me for a few seconds?"

"No, I can't." He held onto the neck and hid his face into it, sighing contently, then put a small kiss over the soft skin under his lips. "Thank you, Redd, for coming back."

He didn't add anymore, as the elder carried him downstairs towards the kitchen, thinking what he should make for the younger. He has to make sure the food has all the nutrients he's missing. He, truthfully, weighs nothing in his arms. How many kilograms did he lose?

Itachi was so _silent_ , putting his head over Redd's shoulder. How can one person make him feel different emotions when his personality changes? He'd once feel like a lover, another like a shy boyfriend, and another like a parent or an elder sibling.

When they arrived to the kitchen, Redd wanted to leave him by the table, but Itachi held on to him even tighter. If it's up to him, he'd stay around him and won't let him go, but he guesses it's enough to see him in front of his eyes, to make sure of the small details no one but him can notice.

Redd put him down over the counter right beside where he'd chop the vegetables. He checked the fridge, and found that Shisui had made and bought food. But Redd would make him something delicious. Maybe some Miso soup and sushi? Seems like he has everything that's needed.

"Tell me more about you. How did you spend your days? What did you do? Aside from waiting me," He smiled at the end of sentence.

"Don't you think this is too arrogant of you, Redd?"

Even at times like this, when it's just too sad, Redd can create a different, special atmosphere. It's not made up, not fake where he has to push himself to do or say something, it comes out spontaneously and truthfully.

Redd was an cocky, sarcastic person. Between the two of them –Shisui and him-, he'd think he's the better self, who deserves Itachi more, and won’t think that maybe he's… _borrowing_ Shisui's body? This is _his_ body, he's the main, original personality, he's the one with the rights, and Shisui is the intruder.

Itachi is his, _he_ loved him, and he had just to deal with Shisui being in his life. It's so obvious and he doesn't even try to hide it.

When he was chopping some greens after washing them, he smirked, so full of himself. "As if it's not the truth, Uchiha Itachi."

"I'm still mad at you. You're not supposed to brag, at least wait until I'm not mad at you anymore."

Redd chuckled loudly, and came closer, kissing Itachi's cheek. "Maybe I have to make it up to you."

"Maybe? You're not even sure? Two months, two fucking months, Redd. I swear if you didn't come, it would've been a few more days and you won't find me –" Redd put his fingers, stained with the greens, over Itachi's lips to prevent him from completing the sentence.

"You will not even talk about this, Itachi."

Itachi removed the fingers away and sighed. Seriously, he felt like dying. The pain was more than he could ever take. Would he tell Redd that he was about to start hurting himself so that he would front? Maybe not.

"Where did you go?" Asked Redd, standing right before him, both arms are on either side of Itachi's body, caging him in between.

"Nothing," Itachi shook his head. "Seriously, I can't eat."

"Ita, you lost a lot of weight. Fuck, Shisui doesn't care for you like he should."

"Hey, it's not his fault! I was the one to refuse."

Redd raised an eyebrow, staring at him, and the look made Itachi nervous to the point where he broke the eye contact.

Fuck him. He leaves for a long time then blame him and Shisui for him losing weight! Okay, what was he expecting? To come back and find everything as perfect as it could be? To come back and find Itachi happy and content and doesn't feel the least bit of sadness?

Of course he'd lose weight, of course the black circles around his eyes would be darker, of course he'd look pale and tired. The void in his soul kept getting bigger each day, and it won't heal easily or quickly.

He just sighed and put his face in between his hands, the need to cry came back as quick. How weird it is to feel the same pain even if Redd is standing right before him.

"Hey, Itachi…" The voice came out whispered and soft, and the man stood in front of him, caressing his shoulder gently, knowing exactly what's been going inside the younger's head.

"The days went by horribly," He prevented himself from crying, but the hold around his body made his resolution turn to dust, and he started crying again. "I was tired, and I had exams. I didn't find time to do anything, and I couldn't study. I couldn't concentrate, so I doubled the time and effort to study more than usual. I didn't eat, and puked a lot because of stress. I didn't even answer well in the test, and I wanted to cry in your arms, I wanted to so much and you weren't here. You're the reason behind this, all of this."

Redd wiped his hands in the apron he's wearing and pulled the weak body to him. He kept patting over his back and let him cry all the tears he kept in his chest. He was weak, so weak now, even if Redd is by his side, Itachi waited him to breathe the strength into him, to make him feel okay. He'll break down, as if all the constellations are colliding and the stars are turning to dust, he'll breakdown till the break of dawn, then sleep between those arms, to wake up as if yesterday had never happened.

He can't destroy his weakness, that weakness just grows even more with every second he spends loving Shisui, Redd, and Saito. The three faces were like tattoos on his heart and under his lids. He thought the only obstacle was that they're not together, so they fought so hard to get married. Itachi still remembers his wedding night, when they were back and soon after the door shut behind them, Shisui kissed him hard and kept hugging him, telling him that _he's_ the one who said the first half of the vows, and repeated the rest with Redd, so he'd be the first to _take_ him tonight. How many times did he kiss the ring on Itachi's finger? And after he was done immediately, came Redd, to hold him, and make love to him, until Itachi came over and over.

How can he be strong then? 

He sighed into the hug and shivered; he wanted Redd to hold him tighter. "Don't do this to me again, don't do it I can't stand this."

"I won't, darling, I won't." He placed kisses wherever his lips landed, on the hair, over the temple, beside his eyes, his cheeks, beside the nose, and right beside his lips. He was just kissing him gently to try to reassure him, to lessen the pain within, to tell him, through those kisses, that _he's here now._

And Itachi took his time to cry once again, until it quieted down gradually, and he calmed down a bit. He let go and wiped his cheeks with the back of his hands, avoiding the soft gaze on him, but Redd held his hands and was the one to wipe what's left of his tears. If he's the reason behind it, then he should be the one to wipe it.

"Trying to distract me so that I wouldn't feed you?" He tried to smile and clicked his tongue. "This won't work. Sorry to tell you that. Please stay put until I'm done cooking."

"Talk while you do." He wiped his nose with a soft tissue and looked at Redd, ordering, though his eyes were red because of crying.

Redd hummed, but before he even moved he came to the same level as the younger's eyes and murmured, "Better?"

Itachi sniffled and nodded. Redd's hug is warm and it always makes him feel better.

He went back to start slicing the fish for the sushi, and was looking at Itachi from the side. "And you have a break now?"

Itachi hummed. "For a week. Spent the first day already crying." The younger pouted, while leaning over.

"Does this mean I get to do whatever I want with you?"

"Don't you have to work? No, wait a second. You'll, too, take a break to spend time with me." The younger replied firmly.

"You sure about this?" A smirk along with a glint in the eyes that Itachi knows oh _too well._

"Yes," Itachi tried to defy the rosy dust over his cheeks. Somehow, he feels shy in front of Redd, although Shisui does worse, but it's just the feels that Redd makes Itachi feel.

This time, along with the sexy smirk over his lips and the tongue that pressed over his cheek from the inside, he sliced the piece of meat violently that the knife hit the cutting board.

Even the littlest, most normal things, has a meaning with him! And not just any meaning.

Itachi started moving his legs, and kicked Redd's side, complaining with rosy cheeks, “Stop it."

"I haven't done anything!" A very small laugh escaped his lips, then he rubbed his eye with his sleeve and sighed, "Itachi, can you get my glasses please?"

The tender smile graced Itachi's lips while looking at his lover; he stopped telling him that he doesn't need eyeglasses and that his sight is okay long ago, so he went with him to the doctor to just make one, even though he thinks his sight is way worse than this.

He's just… adorable!

He hummed while jumping off the counter, and went quickly to his room, grabbing a pack of chips on his way back to bring the glasses. Redd was very focused on making the slices even, and he looked at the younger who came back to eat from the pack as if he wasn't crying like a baby just few moments ago.

Yes, this is exactly how can Redd control him.

In the darkest of his days, Redd saves his life.

Redd looked from the edge while hearing crunching sounds coming from Itachi. At least Itachi shows some acceptance to eat already. Maybe he's hungry?

Soon enough, Itachi finished the pack, and Redd was done with making the meal and started putting it on the table.

"You'll finish all of the food in your plate, Itachi," Redd said with the broken accent Itachi loves oh so much. He still can't copy it and doesn’t know how Redd pulls it and trying to copy him came out just ridiculous as the older said, but he can't seem to stop messing with him.

"You'll finish all of the food in your plate, Itachi," Itachi mocked, trying to copy the accent, but he meant it to be funny and silly more than a copy. He smirked while sitting. "Ass," he added quietly, but it was loud enough for Redd's ears to catch.

Without any consideration, the elder pulled Itachi's hair, like really **pulled it.**

"Hey!!" The younger exclaimed childishly and loudly. He hates the hair pulling so much, and Redd does it over and over; Itachi even thought about getting a haircut to stop him.

"You insulted me first," He simply went to sit in front of him, taking his chopsticks in hand to start eating as well.

There are some habits one can't just get rid of no matter what. If it was Shisui, he would've stood by his side, making sure he'd eat every bit of his food first, especially if he was sad, unlike Redd, who can't just be insisting as much.

After all these years, Itachi doesn’t know which attitude he likes more? Maybe according to his mood?

"Won't you feed me?"

"Oh, did you break your hand?" He answered with a mouth full of food.

"Ah, always like the bastard that you are." Itachi rolled his eyes with a smile he couldn't hide, and took his own chopsticks to eat.

Sometimes, Redd would spoil him rotten, and sometimes he's just an ass. Either way, Itachi loves him, adores him. May be he copies him ridiculously, but he learnt how to appreciate every little thing.

Most of the time they spent just eating in comfortable silence or Itachi would hit Redd's shin with his leg, who didn't reject him the pleasure. Or maybe he's ignoring him until he stops.

They were done, and Itachi insisted to help Redd put the dishes in the dishwasher because he doesn't want the older to spend his time over the sink. They were done with the dishes and washed their hands, then Itachi was holding Redd's hand to take him to the living room, but before they were out of the kitchen, he pushed him to the nearest wall to the living room, and stood on his tiptoes to kiss him passionately. He missed him, missed him like hell. And after he ate and cried well, he can kiss him now.

He kissed the lips hungrily, sucking and licking, his _real_ meal now.

He couldn't stay on his tiptoes so he wound his arms around Redd's neck, pulling him down, to keep kissing him. "I missed you." He whispered over the moist lips before kissing him once more.

Although it should be surprising, but Redd wasn't the least bit surprised. He didn't even expect Itachi to wait till now. If the roles were reversed, he wouldn't have had the patience to wait. But Itachi really needed to cry a lot first, to empty his chest, then he could calm his body.

Itachi just wishes Shisui isn't conscious anyhow. He knows he will understand, but it won't keep him from being sad that he couldn't take him and once Redd has come Itachi was the one to hurry to him.

He doesn't want to think of this now, doesn't want to blame himself, or feel bad, or feel anything at all, except Redd's lips over his, his hands on his body and him just inside him. Nothing but that, nothing at all.

He wants his soul to just settle finally, and Redd has to help him.

"I miss you so much." He repeated while holding onto Redd's neck to pull him down even more, to attach his lips to his more, to hold it between his own, trying to suck it and lick it at the same time, as if he doesn't carry an ounce of patience to do each independently and gently.

Gently? Seriously?

"Kiss me!"

What is this fool waiting for? He's just standing here without a purpose. Itachi let go and inched back to order him, looking at him from this up close.

"I want you to take your share until you've had enough first?"

"Hold me up, so I can reach your lips, and kiss me," He ordered, panting, overwhelmed with his feelings, and held tighter while licking the moist lips before going back to sucking.

Itachi's orders were all to be obeyed. Redd put his hands over the younger's hips first, then down to the back of the thighs – with enough care to touch the ass teasingly along the way, which resulted him a very gentle moan from Itachi, to hold him up, and turned around to prop Itachi's back against the wall. _He'll need something to lean on._

And once Itachi's back touched the wall, the panting younger man went back to kiss him. To say the truth, Redd was enjoying these hungry kisses. They went through a lot phases in their relationship, but this eagerness was a first, and he was selfish enough to want to enjoy it as it lasts without responding.

But the bite that came reminded him that the boy in his arms needs this, and he just has to give it to him, to make Itachi feel him.

He nibbled Itachi's lips, then licked once before entering the hot cavern, maybe he's better than Shisui using his tongue. Every time he'd dance a different dance with his tongue, and he'd make sure to steal the younger's breath.

Itachi's mouth was warm, just like him, that it made Redd moan in a manly manner while moving his tongue across the inside of the cheeks, as if he's avoiding the younger's tongue. He wants to tease him until he loses it; he wants to know where can it take Itachi to.

He could feel the waves of pleasure shaking Itachi every now and them, as the little friction here is producing electricity in his body. Itachi was pulling Redd closer using his thighs, entwining his legs behind the taller's back, holding to him tightly not to fall, even though he knows that the latter won't let him, but it was instinctive.

The heaviness in his abdomen started to clearly annoy him, maybe he would've loved Redd's teasing at any other time, he might've even joined him, and would've started a game of who can take more teasing, or who can dominate the other, but he's not in his best shape right now.

He's impossibly yearning for him.

If he told Redd, maybe the asshole side of the latter would take it as a chance to tease him even more. Plus he can't even leave his lips to tell him!

So, suddenly, he bit Redd's tongue. Hard.

Redd winced silently, and opened his eyes, shocked, looking at him from this proximity, wondering. But Itachi had his eyes closed, and held tighter to him while pushing his tongue into the elder's mouth, and without a warning or teasing, he went straight to the tongue, the poor thing that was abused, to suck gently, without caring about the salvia dripping on his chin now.

"Touch me." Was the only thing Itachi instructed with a pant, while sucking the older's tongue into his mouth, not caring about the noise he's making.

Should he? Or must he make the younger yearn even more? At any other time he would've chosen the latter, but not after he'd cause him this much pain and sadness. Redd's hands were still under Itachi's thighs, so he tried to leave it after knowing that Itachi was holding tightly enough, and held the side of his neck with a hand, to tilt his head a little, and with the other he touched his chest lightly, before letting it go to thread Itachi's now dry hair.

Redd loves touching every part of Itachi, but he's not as rude and shameless as Shisui. He likes to appreciate every part of Itachi's body first, before making love to him. And Itachi isn't patient now; he just wants him to feel his touch now, to hug him in every possible way, and to feel Redd's skin over his own.

"Strip me," The same tone is taking hold of Itachi's voice, and Redd smirked while ending the kiss.

"Aren't you too bossy today?"

"Shut up and kiss me! You’re not doing well now!" He barely was done when he gasped upon feeling Redd pressing him more to the wall, started touching the hem of Itachi's shirt with his fingertips, touching the skin lightly without actually putting his hands over it.

"Watch your mouth, darling. This is not exactly what you're supposed to say." He scrunched his face a little, but the same smirk stayed, to rile Itachi up even more. Itachi wants to punch him; Redd just can't get that he can't take any teasing now. And if he can't get it straight, he'll spell it out for him.

"Believe me," He bit his lower, moist lip, while leaning back over the wall, and looked up, enjoying the immense wave of pleasure over him, hissing and shuddering when Redd's fingertips barely brushed over his hips.

Shouldn't he know already how much Itachi needs him now, and stop being a jerk? Still panting, and without looking, he continued, "Believe me I can't take it." he tried to push his hips, to touch Redd, to tell him without actually telling him what he means. But it seems like Redd wants to hear him out. "I can't take your teasing now, Redd. Whatever the price you want, just say it, oh? Want me to suck you first? Want me to make a strip show? Dirty talk? Just put off your teasing for the second round."

"Is there a second round?!!"

"Was this all you heard?" He looked down, in childish anger. Really? He's not used to say any of this. True, he's not the shy type, but at least he didn’t say it plainly this way before, at least with Redd. With Shisui, oh boy, that fucker just can bring the bitch out of him!

Redd just shrugged. Usually Itachi and he won't go for several rounds on the same day. He might front on consecutive days, and each day they will make love in a different way than the one before, but just few times that they took it for another level and went on for few rounds straight.

"What about all of it together? To strip, and tell me what do you want me to do, how do you feel, and what's going inside that head of yours?" He kept his smirk while looking at Itachi from this proximity, Itachi's eyelashes almost touches the other's skin.

And Itachi felt like he was lost in his eyes, and in the curly, kind of long, curls that touch the glasses and make him look more charming. He took one hand to tuck one curl away from his eyes.

"Want me to do everything? What would _you_ do when you've left me for two months?"

"I _didn’t leave_ you. You make it feel like I've deserted you."

"What do you call that time, then?"

Redd sighed, then leaned over to kiss the angry pouted lips softly. "I swear to you, I didn't mean to. I didn’t even feel the time."

"You know I tried waking you up? Saito, too. Shisui told me that, maybe, if we provoked you, you might front, it wasn't a positive trigger though, I'm sorry, but you haven't fronted then."

"Provoke me?" He raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.

"Okay, it was Shisui's idea to try calling you while he's touching me to provoke you."

"What the fuck?!"

"But you haven't fronted anyway."

"You're not serious, Itachi!"

"Do I look so to you?" Finally it was his turn to direct this however he wants to, and he'd make sure to use it as much as he could. Because today, he won't accept any less than an orgasm that makes him touch cloud nine before coming back to Earth. Especially today, he needs Redd to use all that he's been holding inside, to try everything, on him and with him, all he knows and what he doesn’t. Maybe they could use the internet to try searching for new positions? It doesn’t matter. Honestly, it doesn’t matter at all what Redd will do. He never felt this way before, and he won't waste a single moment being shy and not saying what he wants. What's the use of it, anyways?

Isn't it his lover? His husband?

With whom else would he do all of this?

"Tell me right now what you did when I was out!" He crossed his eyebrows, and Itachi felt him repositioning him to make him find more comfort.

"I sat on his…" He leaned over to his ears to whisper it, "dick," With the most sultry voice he could manage, them leaned back to look him in the eyes, with the same smile, continuing. "I was just done with showering. I put on lotion over my body, and I was wearing that short robe, you know, the one you like? The knot was loose, it showed more than it hid, and I've combed my hair after drying it. He was naked, you know? I just sat there whispering in his ear what I’ll do just like I did a while ago if you hadn’t come. I also told him, you know, that sex with him **is** … how should I say it?" He looked up, thinking, entertained, then tilted his head, wondering, " _Wild_? Maybe, but I've told you before, right? I like it that way." The little detail about the stripping wasn't completely honest though, but what if he said so? Looking at the dark expression covering Redd's features now, he can say that the plan has worked just fine.

"So you want me," Started Redd talking while moving his hips to make a friction between them downwards, "To be wild, so that I mark you, and you wake up tomorrow morning with a sore body and think _'oh, he's really been here'_ , huh?" He asked in a seductive, heavy tone.

It was that fucking British accent that makes Itachi go crazy. Just hearing this accent, this close, this seductive, makes Itachi want to come here and now.

"I might do," Itachi replied, trying not to whimper because of the friction, since his pants were tighter now.

"Interesting." He just hummed as a reply, and without a warning, Redd walked –with Itachi around him- towards the table.

Itachi holding onto him like that made him feel like a monkey. It was a funny thought, but he didn't laugh since the older has put him down abruptly, and held his elbow, "So you want me to be wild like that fucker?"

"Haven't I told you before to stop insulting him?" Even if he was panting, overwhelmed now, he couldn't just not say this.

"But he's a fucker for real. Take you hard? Are you a slut or something?"

"Let's pretend I am a one today? What do you think?" This is freaking shameless, but whatever.

Redd turned him around to bend over the table, and leaned over with his lean strong body, whispering in his ear. "What about… trying to make a baby? Who knows, maybe it works." He murmured in a heavy British accent.

Itachi was so overwhelmed he couldn't stop his moans anymore. "You fool, I'm not your woman!" Truthfully, he is insulting Redd so much today, he hopes he punishes him badly.

"Madara-sama wasn't a woman either, yet he had a baby girl. How long do you think they tried for a baby?" Redd was an asshole today. Would he tease him like Shisui does? Because he can't take anymore teasing.

"Maybe I should put my love bites on you in places only **_I_** can find, hmm? Like… here." Redd pulled off the shirt just a little bit over Itachi's back, and placed a wet kiss before sucking it hard, and was rewarded with a pleasured moan from Itachi.

Itachi's breaths came out labored, heavier than usual when they leave his lungs, as if it's a miracle to escape; his whole body was a pile of overstimulated nerves, and his skin was itching, because, unlike that time with Shisui, he's longing to stand naked in front of Redd now!

The man was clutching onto his left thigh, his fingers bruised the flesh, while the other pulled up the shirt a bit more, and the sinful lips were sucking even more into the skin. He was oversensitive now, trying to move his head to see what is done to him – he can't deny that he likes this position very much. His fringe was obscuring his vision, and with every blink he shivered, his nails scratched the table, the other was holding to side, and he bit his lips.

"You seem to enjoy it, honey." His _sinful_ lips left the abused skin, and he licked it very slowly, as if making love to it in the most seductive way, before straightening up, just behind him, leaving his fingers over the slim waist.

Embarrassing? What is that is embarrassing? Itachi doesn't give a fuck to any of that now; he can't but think of his need, his need to Redd badly. He wants this bad Redd, this hungry, lustful Redd, the caring, gentle Redd, and he'll get all of that today.

And even if Redd wasn't actually asking him to answer, and wasn't waiting for a reply, Itachi's voice came soft and silent. "Yes."

"Oh!" He won't deny he was astonished, but okay. If Itachi wants it this way, he'll get it. He asked once again with the same accent, "Do you want more?"

"Yes." It came out even quieter.

"What is it that you want?"

"Everything you'd give me." He panted and bit his lower lip. He started feeling a drop of sweat annoying him over his temple, and he moved his neck to look at the older, even if it hurt, because _again_ he doesn’t give a fuck.

His answer though! Seriously, this small play set fire to Redd's body; he started feeling his length becoming harder, but he never let his smirk falter. He took off his glasses, and leaned over Itachi to put it on him, then took off his shirt and threw it to the floor.

"You like what you see?"

"Mhmm… I want more, if you ask me." The glasses were the last thing he needed now, since he had to keep his head up not to annoy him. And for the hundredth time today, he didn't bother or care.

He was even going to smile seeing this body in front of his eyes. His, and only his. That was all before he moaned loudly, and hissed rolling his eyes when he was spanked over his left ass cheek. Fuck!

"It turns you on, Itachi, huh? Me, spanking your ass like this"

"Believe me..." Itachi panted hard. This is overwhelming. He hardly gulped, before talking breathily. "Believe me, it wouldn't at any other time,"

" _'This’s some shit that I usually don't do, but for you I kinda... kinda want to,'Cause you're down for me and I'm down too'_."

Itachi bit his lips and closed his eyes shut, pressing his body backwards in a try to find the taller's body, trying to touch him in any way, and the older just seems to be enjoying depriving him like this.

"Wanna be _switching them positions for me_?" Asked the taller with the same heavy, elegant accent. The words take their time and space to come out dancing with a little sway. Redd wanted to caress the ass he slapped just few moments ago, as if he's apologizing.

"Quoting songs now? _'Know my love infinte, nothing I wouldn't do, for you'_." Itachi quoted the song back, panting. His whole body is panting, his skin is stinging, he wants to touch and be touched, and it annoyed him he's still in his clothes, he felt hardness between his legs, and his body yearned to be filled.

"I like it." Redd said, once again inching closer to Itachi's body and heard a contented sigh. Itachi is truly and weirdly turned on. Redd knows how sometimes his lover yearns to sleep with him, but it's the first time to act this way. Would he deny him this? He wouldn’t, he'd be damned if he did.

Fuck everything.

He tried slowly to remove the shirt over the milky soft skin, and got it out of his head, leaving the sleeves as they are.

"Redd?"

"Maybe I want to restrict your movements a little. Does it bother you?" He asked delicately. Even if he does things that Itachi won't deny him, he makes sure that Itachi gives his consent. He wouldn't be like the other fucker who does everything out of his ego knowing Itachi won't deny him a thing.

Itachi shook his head, and tried moving his head a bit to lean over the table, but the glasses are annoying him, and the humid air is making his vision blurry. "The glasses, take them off."

"But you look hot wearing it." Redd told him.

"I look hot either way." That confidence is boosting for the first time, but Redd likes it.

Redd came kissing the back of his head, the long hair that had always enchanted him, the long beautiful neck, and maybe he left a red mark or two before removing the glasses. With his lips he started touching, descending over the back, leaving wet kisses and eventually marks that no one but him would find, just like he said.

When he reached the plump mounds he held the hem of the pants with the tips of his fingers, and took it between his teeth, making sure to be touching the skin once it's naked, and before even moving, and with a smirk, he found Itachi gasping.

He could feel the shivers under his lips, the goosebumps covering the hot, soft skin that begs to be touched and taken care of.

"Needy 'tachi!" He chuckled, without removing the cloth from his lips, and felt the younger shuddering along with the vibrations of his laugh. _Shit_ , he can't take this.

"You enjoy torturing me, am I right?"

Itachi could feel, again, that fucking smirk over his skin, and another little bite made him whimper.

"You like it wild, don't ya?"

"yes, but…" He choked, then leaned with his forehead over the table with loud whimpers when Redd went down on his knees behind him, holding his waist close, and his fingers over Itachi's clothed hardness. The jerk is pretending he's trying to open the zipper, but he actually doesn’t. he fucking doesn't! With every touch –press, in fact- Itachi gasped and choked on breath, murmuring, "Shit!" he honestly looks so needy. "Would you take me here?"

He could feel the other bite over his waist. "Whatever, you like, darling."

He's challenging him like that? What a fool. Itachi coughed and mumbled, "I'll keep remembering this when I'm here with him and –"

"Great. I'll take you here then."

_That dipshit._

More than the deprivation, when the hand, no, the whole arm had moved away and felt him getting up, then with an abrupt movement he made Itachi straightens his back and held him there. Itachi eyes widened in shock; what has happened? Has Shisui fronted?

He let go a little to look at his eyes, and found that no, it's still Redd.

"What are you doing?"

"You know, I can't force myself to treat you this way! For god's sake, what does that fuckwit does to you? Did he tie you up? That would be fucked up!" He mumbled sarcastically, but his eyes widened when Itachi's eyes couldn't meet his, and the rosy color dusted his cheeks, "Itachi…?" He raised an eye brow.

Itachi sighed, hard, and pouted. "It's not comfortable to talk about this, but I… I sometimes ask him to do that. It's not like he's treating me badly."

"Oh, God!"

Did it traumatize Redd now..?

Redd shook his head several times, trying to erase the mental image off his head. Okay, maybe Itachi would look hot, but he wouldn't do him such a thing! Even when he tried to restrict his movement, he used his shirt, not tie him up actually! That bastard is so heartless and is hurting his lover! He has to punish him for it!

Itachi moved his legs in the air a bit, and the taller looked at it then at his face, "What?"

"Put me down, I'm not comfortable." Immediately the younger's feet touched the floor. He just has to say it if something made him uncomfortable even just a little bit, and Redd would try to get rid of it for him. He just looks for Itachi's wellbeing and happiness, maybe that's why he is very gentle, even when he tries to show his love.

"What now?"

"I want it here."

Redd raised an eyebrow and gaped a little. "here?" He pointed at the floor them looked around wondering, before looking once again to Itachi.

"I want you… here. For the first time at least." Said Itachi, biting his lower lip nervously, he doesn't even know what came over him.

Redd thought that Itachi was kidding in the first time, maybe taken and lost in the moment, but to say it again, this way, no, he's not joking around. What's wrong with him wanting to cause himself pain?

"It will not be comfortable, you'd feel so exposed, and your back and neck would hurt so much too, Ita." Gently, ever so gently he said, as if a thousand feelings had burst into his chest then. He held the younger to him, and he was barely reaching Redd's shoulder; he held him tightly to make sure he'd feel warm in this hug. Redd was caressing his skin, that was so sensitive now, and was brushing his hair away from his soft cheeks. So suddenly, even for himself, he felt an urge to protect the shorter, to love him, to take care of him, and to hold him. Just to hold him, saying nothing, doing nothing. It's enough for him to make him understand his love, his appreciation, and to stay close to him, to his breaths and scent over anything else.

And Itachi sighed a long, contented sigh in this soft hug, enjoying the moment, and appreciating it. Oh, how he missed it! How, crazily, he did!

And his lips went on placing kisses that started like a soft line, then held onto the taller's waist to leave him marks as well, hissing. "You'd take care of me after, won’t you?"

Redd gulped; his lover wants this, then let's try it. He doesn't know how Itachi wants it, but he'll try, for him.

He could feel Itachi's lips, his tongue, and his kisses, closing his eyes shut and sighing out. Maybe the last time he fronted felt like yesterday to him, but he seriously missed Itachi so much, longed for him so much, and wants to be with him, however it was. He doesn't care if it was just a mere hug or more than that.

"I'll take care of you, no matter what happens." He replied, caressing Itachi's sides.

He let himself stand still, only touching Itachi gently, until Itachi stepped away to look lovingly at the painting he'd just made. Itachi was smiling softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the last. The smut is coming to you so soon~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Every one, we want to thank you so much for the support you've given, we didn't expect that at all!  
> And we want to let you know that publishing this was very spontaneous. We originally write in our native language then translate it to English, so it's not really as easy task like writing in English. Anyhow, this is not the end of the story, it's just a random episode in the middle of the story, and we'll make sure to write/translate the other episodes to reveal everything and answer all your questions. You can subscribe to know when we publish once again.   
> At the end of this story, we'd like to hear from you! Thanks for your time ^^   
> Enjoy the chapter, guys ;)

"You know that you look so hot? Even if you stopped going to the gym, you still have these delicious muscles." Itachi said while rubbing his hands over the chocolate muscles. He's really content and satisfied with this body, doesn't want to look or touch another; he vowed to stay with him until they both grow old, even if their hair turned grey and they were old and wrinkly, he'll still be in love with him.

"Are you sure you want it here?" Redd was really unsure. Any position in here would make the younger in pain. If he let him on his back over the big, solid table, his back would hurt. If he made him bend over to take him from behind… okay, Redd doesn't like it this way. For Redd, it's not just 'sex' that he wants. He wants to look at Itachi, to love and adore him, to kiss him, hug him, and even if he took him from the back, he'd like to lie on top of him to touch him and intertwine their fingers together. But this…

"Itachi, if you want it here, then I should get some covers so that it won't –"

"I want it rough, Redd. It's okay. I'm used to this."

"What the fuck is he doing to you? Why do you let him do that, Itachi? You deserve only to be spoiled!"

For a second, his voice sounded so angry and frustrated. Not at Itachi, he has nothing to do with this. He was mad at Shisui, Shisui the jerk. He did this to his lover over and over to the point he got used to it and thought that it's normal! What did he exactly do? Other than tying him up and all this sadistic bullshit? What else did he do?

Itachi easily could detect the change in his body language: the labored breaths, the dark gaze, and the hard temple as he tensed his jaw. This looks bad.

What's wrong with him? He loves Redd, and he loves Shisui, each of them is special, and it makes Itachi try a different bliss every time they touch. Why did he want them to reverse roles so abruptly? He's a fool. He just messed everything up.

"Calm down, will you? Honey," He took the hand between his palms. "He didn't pain me, nor hurt me, or caused any kind of feeling like degrading or insulting or such things. He doesn’t treat me as a whore; he really cares for me and my comfort. It's just that he likes to try new things with me, and I don't refuse him that. If I do, I wouldn't have asked you that, hmm? Don’t think that he hurts me please, because he doesn't. Maybe you don't like it so much, so you think he's a jerk or an obsessed pervert who hurts me, but it's not like how you imagine it."

"Really? He doesn't hurt you?"

"I swear he doesn't!" He gasped, shocked. Redd got the wrong idea. "He'd never do such a thing! You don't even know that fool! He makes sure I eat before he eats; he takes care of me when I take my meds and vitamins, my lectures. When you didn't front for long I didn't attend my lectures for a week, he'd listen to the records and take down notes and highlight the important parts. He might look like a crazy, arrogant bastard with a big ego, but you have no idea how much he cares for me, that fool!"

He'd always felt jealous, as if Shisui had taken Itachi from him. But when he's not around, when he sleeps, and Shisui fronts to take care of the mess he'd left behind, Redd is then… _grateful?_ Now, too, he's grateful. All what Itachi said, Redd is grateful for. Itachi doesn't deserve a relationship where he feels like a doll, never! Redd didn't even think for a second that that dipshit would do something as such, he could feel how he loves and cares for the younger. Maybe it was Itachi's insisting that made him get the wrong idea.

"Look, maybe I was just… _missing_ _you_ so much to the point that I thought of wild things, but I love you as you are, I love how gentle you are with me, and how you're caring like no one else in this world. I really touch heaven when I'm with you, what more do I want? How foolish of me! Come here." He took Redd's wrist and pulled him outside, to the living room where the couch that can turn to a futon. He stood tight before him, smiling, let go of the hand, and held onto the handsome face. "I love everything you do, Redd."

"Really…?" Redd murmured.

Shit, did Itachi just made him feel like he's not content with their time in bed and wants to change it?

Itachi really wanted to smack himself over the face for what he did. Itachi held Redd's hand as they sat down, and caressed his face lovingly. "Really. I love everything that you give me, makes me feel like I'm the most precious person alive. I touch heavens; I love you, just the way you are." He squeezed Redd's hand, and leaned over to kiss him, only breaking the kiss to ruffle the older's hair. "Would you leave me here without satisfying my desire for you?"

Redd just looked into his eyes, and it lingered till Itachi started getting shy, as if the look could penetrate his soul, as if it's stripping him more than he already is. He was still wearing his pants but he feels bare under the intense gaze.

"W-what?" Itachi stuttered.

"Let's make you scream my name this time out of pleasure? I don't need his bizarre ways; I know what I need to do."

A small smile graced his lips, and he tilted his head with hooded eyes, mumbling, "Really? You would? You want me to scream?"

"Maybe?" Redd played along. Itachi looked so lovely in his eyes right now.

Itachi saw him opening the couch to make more room, and without adding a word, he pushed the taller's chest so that he fell, and Itachi crawled over.

Honestly, Redd couldn't but laugh breathily now while looking at him from underneath. "Hey, Itachi, aren't you a bit wild now?"

"If it was me who disappeared all this while, you would've known how I'm suffering now." He answered simply. "And you would've stopped dragging it." He unbuttoned his jeans to get rid of it. If Redd won't take it off, then he'd do it himself. It already started hurting him. "Tell the truth, you really mean to tease me, huh?"

"Honestly, I do."

Itachi raised his eyebrows as a reply. He wants to play, huh? No problem. Itachi wants the truth now, and wouldn't fake anything he feels or wants.

The body under him looked delicious, more than usual, calling him to devour it delightfully. He won't refuse the offer, but... From where should he start?

He let the button go, and pulled his hair to the left side while targeting the root of the other's neck, to start his feast from there on.

His hands were supported by Redd's chest; and Itachi moved his hands all over the strong muscles. Oh, how he loves it, how he loves every part of him.

He leaned over, and just above the clavicle, right where he could feel the pulse, he placed a soft kiss, followed by a strong suck. He didn't let go until it was just like how he adores it, purple surrounded by some bright red hue. He really liked his new painting, and wanted to add more color to it.

He knows how private Shisui and Redd are. Except, of course, for Shisui's desire that he sits over his lap kissing him while discussing contracts. But Redd said he'd spend another day with him, so he moved a little, making sure to apply some friction southward, before moaning over the skin, making another love bite there. As if he was targeting where he could feel the pulse, he started feeling Redd's pulse with his tongue.

While being like this, in this very obscene position, literally, enjoying kissing the neck then targeting the clavicle, Itachi arched his back more just to reach the chest he loves so much, and he could feel the hands that had finally started to touch his thighs from over the clothes, and went back to touch his ass, pulling him for another friction while hissing.

Itachi's tongue was taking care of every inch of skin he could reach, and was giving extra attention for the sensitive parts. Hearing the deep moans from beneath made him want to mess with him even more, but in fact, he was so hungry and impatient to start kissing the man and touching him all over.

"Seems like you'll be the one to scream my name, Redd-san?" He pulled himself up a little to look into his eyes, while tucking a lock behind his ear.

"You think so?" Panted the older and hissed, before flipping them over effortlessly.

Itachi closed his eyes shut, trying to memorize the moment. Maybe the trauma caused by Redd's absence is what made him appreciate every second with the latter, every move, and every word being said.

"Just because I'm under you, you won't scream my name?" Itachi smiled.

"You make me feel like you want to be the one _doing it_ this time. What's wrong, Ita?" A smirk and a hug, followed by kisses all over his neck.

"I want to hear my name coming out of your lips, with your voice, with your accent, with your pants and moan while being with me. I want to hear you, and keep these memories close." The younger smiled while threading his hands in the soft curly locks, pressing him closer to his neck, encouraging him to mess him up.

Redd let go of the hug, but kept pressing his lower half over the other to keep touching him. "Is that so?" He came closer to whisper, "Itachi-san? You like it formal or without formalities? San? Sama? Kun? Choose what you like for tonight."

What's wrong with him today? Seriously, what is wrong? Whatever Redd does, or say, causes him waves of pleasure that makes him shudder mercilessly. How he trembles right under him without even doing anything or touching him properly? It was that wave that made him shudder and roll his eyes to the back, humming, "Ummm," what made Redd laugh again, and shake his head sighing.

"Itachi-san, what's wrong, darling? Do I turn you on this much?"

With the end of the question, he crawled a little back to free the smooth legs from the pants, again to find Itachi whimpering.

It was nearly a sob when the younger opened his eyes to look at him, "I'll die in your arms, Redd."

"Whoa, you'd leave me alone, this hard?" He chuckled, getting rid fully of the pants. Honestly, isn't he the jerk here?

And because Redd is an asshole, Itachi couldn't but reach his hand to touch the hard-rock length. He won't be the only one to suffer here.

"Shit," Mumbled Redd while burying his face in Itachi's neck once more, this time because of the pleasure that drowned him.

"I can see it's a huge problem," said Itachi, touching the clothed length. "Let's be nice to each other, Redd-san."

"Itachi-san, can't you see that it's an uneven battle? You affect me way more than I do you."

Oh, how he doesn't know. He doesn't know how everything is doubled this time over and over, how his body, mind, and soul are reacting to every touch, every whisper.

“It's really an uneven battle…" He bit his lower lip. "Kiss me."

Redd detached himself from the younger, holding his face so gently. "You okay? It's not like you. You're… weird today. I try to tell myself that you're just so turned on, but really what's wrong? Just reassure me that you're fine, and we'll do whatever you want." Redd was talking while caressing the warm skin under his fingertips delicately.

It was pretty cute, how he held his face and it made the younger pout a bit more. It was nice to the point Itachi could nearly hear Redd's heartbeats from this proximity. He blinked, more cutely, and meant to do it, while answering in a hushed whisper. "I desire you. This is what's wrong. Not just your body, even though I desire it so fucking much now, but I desire you, Redd. I desire your presence. Haven't I told you I've gone crazy in these two months without you?"

His thirst for him is hurting him, it's as clear as daylight now. He has to make up to him, right?

Redd connected their lips together, it wasn't a dance this time, it was rather a sweet kiss more than anything. Maybe it lasted for a minute? Maybe two? Each of them is kissing the other's lips longingly, even if it was smooth. Redd didn't stop messing with the younger's hair under him until he released him to get a lungful of air, and he grabbed a small pillow to put under his head so that his neck won’t hurt. The younger was looking at him with hooded eyes, gaping, moist, red lips, with a face dusted red as well as his neck that has some hickeys that turned purple now, his hair everywhere framing his face. He looked so _breathtaking._

"Dammit, Itachi! This is too much." He panted before kissing the younger chest, and his cute tummy, taking off the last piece, and getting in return a hot moan when the younger arched his back.

"Redd…" it came out hushed, barely audible. Itachi gulped with effort, trying to open his eyes. "Redd, don't tease me down there, please, hmm? I can't take it."

"Started begging already, Ita?" The same fucking smirk. Damn it!

But did he take the begging seriously? Well, because he flexed Itachi's left leg to get some space. "At least let me prepare you a little? Wait a second, shit! The lube is upstairs"

"Wait!" The younger raised his head a little to look at him. "You really won't tease me? By the way, there's a drawer in here that Shisui keeps a bottle of lube in, along with other necessary stuff."

"How caring of a lover I am," said Redd sarcastically, he sighed, rolling his eyes, "He's a kinky bastard, isn't he?" reaching out to find the lube

He reaching out to find the lube while the younger laid there naked. Sometimes he feels like he should work on Itachi's wellbeing, and that he has to put effort in making him comfortable, because Itachi deserves so, because Redd has to be enough.

Soon, he went back to between the younger's legs, looking at him like this, and it made the younger self-conscious.

"Don't stare. It's rude."

"You mean _beautiful_. Every part of you is beautiful."

"Stop you're talking about… god, just stop!"

Itachi heard a chuckle then heard the lube bottle being opened, and so tried to prepare himself. It's been long since the last time he was touched by Shisui, and since then he hadn't been touched at all.

The lube was cold while Redd was trying to coat his fingers. He touched Itachi's hole while nudging it slightly. "You feel so tight. Shisui didn't take care of you? That fucker."

Itachi raised his head, "I wasn't in my best shape because of you, you asshole, stop wha –OH, fuck!" He threw his head back because Redd's finger penetrated him without a warning. Hell, he's so tight, and this… this hurts somehow. Actually it's not pain; it's just stinging and a little uncomfortable. He just has to calm down and breathe, he'll be just fine.

"You were thinking of me to the point you couldn't sleep with him?" The smile reached his voice, and may be a little bit of ego did as well.

"How do you imagine it?" Itachi asked.

"I imagine it was great, my darling can't sleep with my other alter and doesn’t let him touch him because I'm not around. It's amazing, darling."

Redd didn't start moving immediately, maybe he gave Itachi a few moments to let his body get used to the foreign finger, and for Itachi to be in the best position that allows him comfort. The younger can feel pain easily, and he doesn’t want to hurt him even if it was accompanied with lots of pleasure.

Itachi's breaths were kind of heavy. He was trying to calm down, and get used a little. He was biting his tongue until it bled a little, and he let out few noises, unintentionally this time. He took a deep breath then exhaled it before answering him, "He tried to take me once, but I wasn't attentive then. He was inside me and I wasn't giving him the attention, Redd. I wasn't turned on, I didn't even cum. Don't remind me, I felt horrible for what I did!"

He closed his eyes again, panting, when he felt the slight movement trying to prepare him.

"You were thinking of me when you were in his arms?" Asked Redd, kissing the back of Itachi's thigh, while moving his middle finger gently, not to hurt the younger as much as possible.

"Really? You're just thinking about that? I really want to apologize to him. And when I wanted to make it up to him, we tried calling you and of course you didn't hear it, so I started crying." He moaned again, tensing around the finger. "I'm okay. You can go on."

But even if he said so, Redd knows that sometimes Itachi pushes himself too far. Redd kept moving his middle finger slightly while kissing the thigh and making a bright red love bite where only he can find. "I like to think that I ruined it for him. I don't like leaving you to him."

"Redd…" He chided, half-whimpering.

"What?"

Redd added another finger to stop him from talking effectively. Itachi is honest. He didn't touch anyone and wasn't touched, and looking at the younger's hunger and his ability to keep up with him and Shisui together, two months were too long.

"Enough with the foreplay, I need you inside me right now." Itachi shivered.

Didn't he say he's hungry? It just brings Redd lots of smiles – the smiles Itachi loves. He tilted his head, teasingly, "You need it that much?"

"Ahhh, don't be an egotistic bastard, please." He cried, moving his hips trying to feel him inside even more. These fingers, honestly, aren't enough at all! He whimpered again, exhaling, "I'm not a virgin. Enough with the foreplay and take me already!"

"Oh, you're not? But you seem to me like one, Ita?" Redd smirked, pulling out his fingers to take off what's left of his clothes. He won't tease the younger now, and won't let him beg for long. He already has to make up for his absence; he owes him love and care.

"You’re insulting yourself this way, honey, not me." Itachi hissed, feeling the loss already.

More lube, pants off, and back to prepare himself.

"You'll always be the same innocent Itachi," A kiss on the younger lips before aligning himself with Itachi.

"You know that I love you, hmm? And I'll always choose staying with you. I won't ever think about leaving you and all that bullshit. I have no one but you, darling, my lover, my husband, my friend, my whole family. I have no one but you." While speaking, he was entering Itachi very slowly, holding the face in between his hands, and no matter how Itachi shut his eyes or bit his lips, Redd kept his eyes open because he didn't want to break the eye contact. Everything united with Redd, everything calmed down. And the whole world shrank to contain them both alone.

"Redd," Itachi moaned, scrunching his face. He still can feel his lover entering him down there, as if there's no end, as if Itachi doesn't know him, but he knows there's only a little bit more left. He was really tight, but their coupling, the friction without anything to separate them, it all made him feel emotional and he felt himself tearing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'll stop for a while till the pain is gone, okay? Whenever you're ready, darling." He kissed the younger's temple and lingered there, winding his arms around the slim body to hold the pounding chest to his own. He was crushing him under his weight, and feeling every heartbeat dancing along with his. And Itachi loves it, when Redd takes him, and the way he holds him all the time, tightening the arms around him, friction in between them, and their breaths mingled!

Itachi, too, lifted his arms to hug that back much closer to him, and held to the locks with his fingertips. His breathing was very loud, but who cares? Everything else was muted, only the sounds of love surrounded this, and Itachi's tears over his soft cheeks, "I was gonna die without you, Redd, I was gonna die. I can't believe you're here for me, oh God, please don't leave again!"

"Shhh, Ita, don't cry." He kissed his temple once again. "I won't, I promise."

Redd could feel the constricting hold over his length, and can imagine just how much the younger is in pain, but the younger here maybe had gotten used to this kind of pain now, and could find the pleasure within it, widening the gap between his thighs to give him more space and hissed, hugging him tightly. His body moves, his _trembling_ , were uncontrollable, showing how much he needs the taller.

He straightened a bit while holding the younger, kissing all around his face. "I missed you.” A kiss on his forehead, "And I miss your eyes," A kiss over the rosy lids, "And the redness over your cheeks," A kiss on the cheek, "And your lips," A soft kiss over the younger's lips. "In my head, it's like I was here yesterday, but I terribly miss you, I miss you like no one had missed another before."

He kept scattering kisses beside the luscious lips, then he kissed him deep and sweet, tasting Itachi with every move. And when Itachi responded with a dance of his own tongue, Redd moved smoothly to pull out then thrust deeply, granting himself a gasp followed by a moan, which he swallowed willingly.

The feelings inside his chest were so deep, and he only wished his body could convey them. It's not only Itachi who thirsts for the other, a lot of times Redd just wishes he could shower him with love and kisses, wishes to keep holding him and kiss every inch he could reach.

Itachi's arm wound around the older's neck tighter, even this proximity is not enough! Isn't it too miserable? To be in his arms, to share breaths with him, to feel him inside, but still all of this is not enough? What could he do to feel just… _closer?_ How can he melt and become one with Redd?

Everything that is happening between them now was making Itachi's insides calm down; a few moments ago he was still not totally convinced that his lover was back, he thought he was dreaming, and he'll wake up to cold sweat and loneliness and despair, but now, now he can believe that it's not a dream, that, _for once,_ reality was much better than dreams.

When he's with Redd, when he's with Shisui _,_ only then he could feel like reality is better, like he doesn't want to sleep and get away from the reality even for seconds. Maybe that's why he cried? Because he realized that Redd is finally here?

It all doesn't matter now, all of these negative feelings don't matter now, he's holding him, he can touch him, feel him, kiss him, and swallow all his moans and whimpers, he can take him and share a love with him. With every smooth thrust, Redd keeps hitting his sweet spot, and Itachi gradually loses a bit more of his sanity!

Itachi was so needy to the point he'd move his hips every time Redd retreated a little, to take everything, to feel everything, and his tears kept falling as he whispered over and over, "I love you."

Yes, he loves him _._ And he _won't_ stop saying it as long as they're making love!

"I love you," He repeated, with every thrust from Redd touching his sweet spot, he'd moan, and the tears keep on falling. With all his might he held onto Redd, entangling his legs behind the older's back, with arms around him, kissing every inch he could reach.

"Itachi, you okay?" He asked while caressing his waist. He didn't stop, but was ready to do so if the younger wasn't okay in any way.

"Yes, I'm… I'm fine. I just love you so much, I'm overwhelmed and –AH… I feel like I'm drowning in you. I want to be lost in you, Redd." He was sniffling while holding tighter, as if the hug is not enough, as if he could drift away.

"I'm here, I swear to you. I love you so much, Itachi." He kissed the temple again, and reached down to touch Itachi's manhood because he wants him to ascend to cloud nine while in his arms.

"I'm nothing without you, Redd," Itachi sniffled more, more tears keep falling. "I'm literally nothing without you." He held him tighter. "I'll be lost without you. I'm nothing without you," He kept repeating, and Redd just smiling sweetly. He touched the younger's manhood and started stroking it in the same rhythm with his thrusts. Redd could feel Itachi's shudder in his arms, and the sob he let out while throwing his head back, "OH, GOD!"

"Maybe I prefer that you'd be lost in me, not without me."

It was getting blurry, and the pleasure waves were washing all over him, blurring all the lines between the reality and the world he'd fallen into now, without having any control over it. But if he had, would he let go of this feeling? Hell, no! How many times did he pray for a moment like this in the past two months? To be lost between Redd's arms, done, can't do anything but lay here in the older's arms, let him take everything within him without leaving a thing behind, unite with him to become one, no one ever can separate into two entities.

He was lost here, done here, so engrossed in whatever his lover does here, leaving behind any of the bad feelings he's been through all these past days. He threw away his burdens as he threw his head over the pillow, shutting his eyes away from everything, to not feel a thing other than the taller's thrusts that blisses him, and to not hear a thing but his lover's panting, mingling there with his moans, with his cries, with his overwhelmed tears.

His chest kept heaving, he's holding onto the body above him because he keeps on falling. Oh, _how sweet was the fall!_

His grip over Redd's hair became stronger, and he buried his face into the other's neck, moaning loudly and gasping with a pant under the other's touches that pushes him to the edge mercilessly. Would he refuse it? Would he deny it?

No, no, he won't.

"Redd, AH…" That was the only thing that he could say when he was getting more kisses over his face, another thrust is delivered to take him to heaven.

Maybe one of the things he loves in his relationship with Redd, is that when they make love, Redd is always close to his face, looking at him, holding him, or kissing him. Unlike Shisui, who loves to leave his marks everywhere. Shisui turns his insides into a mess then rearrange it, but Redd… Redd is delicate and gentle, makes him feel whole!

"I love you!" Mumbled Itachi in between moans, and hugged the older to him.

The taller let go of the hug to hold his face with one hand while the other is still stroking him southwards. "I want to see you." He smiled, panting because of the effort he's making, even if he seems very smooth, but the feelings and adrenaline within him are making him tired.

He started quickening his rhythm a bit. The tears in his younger lover's eyes are telling him that he needs to rest, to reach his climax, and to be kissed and hugged as much as he deserves. “Do you want to cum, baby?" He asked him, smirking.

Maybe Shisui and Redd are total opposites, and their ways are unlike their personalities. Whoever looks at Redd, the sarcastic, quiet, mysterious Redd, would think he'd be wild in bed, but he's so gentle, so caring about the details and feeling and kisses. Unlike him was Shisui, the young funny and cute man, he's a monster when he's above Itachi, and wants to leave his marks everywhere.

He could hear him, even if the voice came through as white noise; he could hear, but not reply. He feels he can't move a muscle, his tongue is very heavy to carry on the words and throw them out to answer the question.

All he could do now is just moan; Redd's hips were still moving smoothly, that can please him better than any other rough movements that make him feel like he's going to split into two, even if he likes it, but Redd is just special, and he loved this.

Gingerly, he straightened a little, and Itachi mumbled desperately because he doesn’t want to be separated from him just yet, he doesn’t want to lose the heat yet. With Redd's free hand, he held onto Itachi's thigh and widened the space a bit more, humming with a pant, "Darling?"

"I can't… speak…" Itachi groaned while throwing his head even more to the back, and put his right arm over his face.

Even if Redd was the one who is making the effort here, but Itachi is exhausted from the overwhelming feelings and the orgasm he felt building up now.

Redd got one leg over his shoulder, then leaned over the younger, as if folding him into half.

The proximity isn't enough, he can never be close enough.

"Am I tiring you out?" Said Redd while picking up his speed, both his hips and his hand that was stroking the younger's length.

Itachi shook his head, trying to open his lips to be able to breathe.

"Is it enough? For this once?" He smirked, remembering what Itachi said about the numerous rounds he wants.

"I don't know. I want to… kiss you." He mumbled wearily, and tried to reach out to the taller. All the time with the older, he wants to touch him and kiss him, and this time, it's even more, after two months of absence, more than usual.

"Oh," Redd panted then exhaled, trying to reach the deepest point within Itachi that will make the younger go insane, to prove him –that with him, Uchiha Redd, he doesn't need any of the weird positions, nor to tie him up or call him names, or be rough with him. With Redd he won't need any of it to be this close to fainting, yet so awake; Redd just needs to be inside of him to make him go there, and it is _enough_ to make him draw that smirk over his lips, "You didn't have enough of my lips yet, love?"

The reply came in the form of a weak hit on his arm, because, like the younger said mere seconds ago, he can't even talk. Redd replied to that with a laugh and a thrust that made the younger whimper.

"You're an asshole." His cries were so cute.

Redd leaned even more, even though he said that he cares about the younger's back, and kissed his lips once, "Just few more seconds, baby. Hold onto me, we're going to heaven now.”

And he was right. They were few seconds but to Itachi it seemed like forever. He's on the edge but can't fall yet, and Redd is taking him higher and higher.

Weakly, Itachi held the older's face and kept kissing him in a weak hunger. Redd could feel that Itachi wanted to do more but was unable to; he just moaned and got lost in the kiss, forgetting the he was in the middle of a kiss, until Redd nibbled on his lips or maybe licked it proficiently.

Redd quickened his pace, and felt the muscles around him tightening, the body was sweating more, and he knew the younger is about to reach his awaited orgasm.

"Redd…" He whispered in between moans, and the other knew exactly why. So Redd leaned over to the younger's ear and whispered.

"I told you you'd scream my name. Let me hear you, darling."

That egotistic bastard that never stopped showing off, even in a moment like this, when he's out of breath, he's still able to tease him?

But, truthfully, even without asking, now that Itachi had reached his orgasm, touching the stars with his fingers and holding onto it without falling, he screamed the older's name. He didn't care if he fell now, he knows, no matter how high he is, he'll fall into Redd's arms, where he's safe, where he would be okay.

Maybe the last of the pleasure waves was the strongest that ever hit Itachi's body, making him arch his back, and hold onto the pillow below his head, rolling his eyes back when he's screaming the taller's name.

Redd smiled, content, and happy. The scene before him was enough to make him, too, come. Maybe two or three more thrusts, he's not sure, but he could see white behind his lids, and was trying hard to keep them open, to keep watching his lover, panting and red, still unaware, moaning lightly from those sinful lips.

Redd hugged the younger again, not caring about the mess in between their sweaty bodies, and kept breathing there, smelling his lover's scent, the air around them smells like love and sex.

"I told you that… you would," He was still panting, and put a gentle kiss over the younger's jaw. Redd was about to pull out, but felt the younger's hand over his ass, preventing him from moving, so he laughed, "Do you love it and want to touch it, baby?"

"I don't want you to pull out just yet. Stay inside me." Itachi said while moving his hands to hug Redd close to him. He's not bothered with the weight pressing him down.

"Wouldn't hurt you like this, baby? Also," He sighed, still didn't come down from his high, but had the energy to tease the younger. "You still didn’t have enough? Hmmm? Want more of me, Ita? Want to scream my name many more times?"

He was powerless now, couldn't even lift his body from Itachi's – who could bear the weight for few minutes until he regains his power to get up and rest on his elbows. Redd started rubbing his face to Itachi's neck like a cat would.

He could feel the younger's body heaving a weak sigh, trying to regain a little of his consciousness, and to feel the high that was about to make him go insane. Then, Redd felt a slap over his ass, and it hurt!

"You don't have the energy to move, but have enough to tease me, you jerk?!"

"Of course, what else should I do?"

"Kiss me? Kiss me again."

"I'm tired. You kiss me."

Itachi held Redd's face, making the other purse his lips a bit and he lened closer to bite him over the lips. "I told you to kiss me!" Itachi exclaimed.

"You're so wild, Ita." The older's hand went down in between their bodies to take a little bit of the viscous liquid and licked it from his finger. "Want to taste?"

Itachi just quieted down.

_What the fuck?_

Redd again touched Itachi's abdomen, meaning to tickle him and take a little bit of the semen on his finger, then showed it to Itachi, close to his face, "Believe me, it's delicious."

"Stop!" Itachi became all red. Redd usually wouldn't do this, and it made him want to hide under the covers.

"Really?" The asshole, that fucking asshole who lies on top of him, letting his weight squish Itachi totally –but neither of them actually cared- was licking his finger slowly, seductively, as if he's enjoying some damned ice-cream!

Itachi looked away and whimpered, "You asshole!"

"Itachi… oh! Wait a second!" He smirked suddenly. It was one of Redd's scariest smirks. It looked like he's a psycho who ran away from an asylum to kill somebody, the blood dripping while he walks. That smile always made Itachi nervous, and made his heart tremble in fear, feeling that a disaster is about to happen. And now, exactly at this moment, the way they are now makes Itachi guess what the asshole might have been thinking about.

"You wouldn't dare!" He exclaimed with wide eyes, but he couldn't add a word before seeing the smile falters and disappears. The look in the eyes has changed, then, very slowly, he felt the body on top of him tensing and the eyes kept widening; he groaned while looking away, "That fucker!"

"For fuck's sake, Itachi?" He tried to move, still can't understand totally what's happening, but he could feel himself down there surrounded by warmth that he knows so well, and his whole body still trembling. _Fuck_ …?!

He was asleep, totally unconscious, deciding that he won't be selfish and would give the fucker some time as much as he needs. Not for him, but for Itachi, his lover, and didn’t mean to wake up or front at all. What happened then?

"You must be kidding!" He felt the exhaustion in his muscles, and the realization hit him; he was inside Itachi, the air is full of the smell of sex, his lover is under him, sweaty, sticky, and has a lot of fresh marks and red bites, and… _what the fuck again_? "That fucker!" He hissed under his breath, and looked at his lover who was trying to hide his face behind his fingers. "Did he mean it to make me front?"

"I'll make sure to kick him in the balls, I swear." Itachi, too, hissed, whimpering from behind the fingers.

Shisui felt his blood boiling, that fucker. What does he mean with making him see Itachi like this? Does he think that he is super or something? Shisui can be a jerk and make him front too when he and Itachi are doing it. Redd might refuse to front, but he'll make sure he sees it through his eyes. _That bastard, fuck him_! Let him be damned for eternity!

"Baby?" finally Itachi removed his hands and held the handsome face between his hands, and honestly, Shisui doesn't want to look at him right now. He had his eyes closed, and was exhaling heavily.

"Shisui?" He called him again in a loving voice, "I'm sorry." He was apologizing so honestly. He was miserable and sad and lifeless while thinking of Redd when he was in Shisui's arms, and now, the first time Shisui sees him after Redd's sudden appearance was in Redd's bed, just seconds after he came down from his high? He must be furious. He must be jealous. He must be wanting to get back at the bastard.

Itachi too felt like Redd's mocking him, so why doesn’t he do? He held onto Shisui's face. "What do you think? Everything is in it's _right place_ , you don't need to _do_ anything, so we could… you know?" He asked gently, with a playful, sultry voice, while moving his fingertips over Shisui's arm. He just has to make the older feel like there's no difference between them two. "Let's do it? That bastard, I'll help you get back at him." He pulled Shisui to kiss him, and moved his hips a little to make a friction down there before kissing the older deeper.

And he just felt a shiver in the body above him in the middle of the kiss, before it broke and the saliva still connecting them. "Nah-uh."

It was Redd.

_Fucking Redd._

"Did you hear it that I'll kick you in the balls? Because I will." Itachi asked, tensing his jaw.

"Believe me you need it. Want me to remind you?"

And to make his point, he thrusted a little inside. He's still not hard, but if he wanted, it won't take a lot of time to come back to life. But, the last thing he expected was to see Itachi grimacing, looking at him angrily. One of the most serious looks that Redd is really scared of, the one that scares Shisui as well, even little Saito is frightened by it when it appears momentarily when he makes a mistake. Only then, he realized that his joke was over the board, and it was SO WRONG! _Shit, he's in a bad situation now._

"I'm sorry," He sighed, and tried to avoid the younger's eyes.

"I'll _never_ let any one of you hurt the other this way, using me" He started, and voice sounded like a mother scolding her child; he didn't need to hit him, insult him, or scream at him, only his stare and voice will be enough.

Thing is, in this position, it's so hard on Redd, especially when Itachi continued, "You can't imagine the torture he'd been through in the past two months because of me, Redd. I didn't even care if he was okay, how he was doing, if it's affecting him badly, as much as I cared that… Oh, I miss Redd, I need Redd, I'm scared Redd is gone forever! I didn't even ask if he was okay? If he needs to go to the doctor to check him up? I was a total whore! I screamed at him, I refused every time he tried to help, I treated him very badly for two months, and what did he do, you ask me? He didn't stop caring! This is not the apology I should offer him, not me naked under you after I refused him, _twice_! _FUCK_!"

He tried to get up, but weakly, Redd held on to him, biting his lower lip.

They now were sitting beside each other on bed, Redd holding him tightly, as if afraid he might leave. He placed a long kiss over his shoulder, and whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't think this through. I just wanted to get back at him for hurting you."

"He didn't! I told you he didn't! If there's one between us who was hurting the other, then I'm the only bitch here!"

"Shhh, don't call yourself that!"

"I was really a bitch with him." whenever he thinks about it now, he feels that. Shisui wasn't okay, since that day he was zoning out in his arms. He didn't ask him anything, and didn't want an apology for ruining that night. Maybe it's his luck that Shisui loves him this much. But a healthy relationship requires giving as much as taking, not just taking. And that's exactly what he was doing for two months, and never heard a complaint from Shisui.

He sighed and pulled his legs towards his body. "I want to apologize to him, I'm still not done with you yet, you asshole, but Shisui deserves at least this much. Please, let me see him.”

Okay. It was a very stupid move. He shouldn't have brought Shisui to front just after he was done with his lover. That's the stupidest move he'd taken so far. Redd sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Okay, no problem. I'll try not to lose consciousness,"

"Wait a second," Itachi sighed miserably, and ran a hand over his face and hair while holding himself close. Now, that he's calmed down a bit, he was able to think right again, and all he can remembers now makes him feel disgusted at himself.

"Yes?" he can't but answer him in a quiet, embarrassed voice; he'd totally ruined the moment! Hedl just let Itachi take his time before coming back to make sure he makes up for what he did, and will make sure to make the younger laugh and get high without doing any mistakes this time.

"Let's wash up first. I don't want to hurt him more than this."

“Whatever you wish for, darling." Fuck him. He wanted to take him again when they're in shower, and now, _ah, fuck him_!

—

After the quick shower, Itachi dried his hair, and Redd had opened the window to aerate the room. They went upstairs and sat across from each other on bed, and then the older sighed, giving Shisui the chance to front.

Once Shisui fronted and took control of the body, he sighed and closed his eyes instead of looking away from Itachi, because, well, that would hurt the younger so much, and it's the last thing he wants to do.

"Shisui?" The younger called softly, holding the handsome face with one hand. "Baby?"

Shisui just hummed but didn't open his eyes. He knows it's wrong, and bad, and it will make Itachi blame himself. He heard a little of the talk that went between Redd and the younger and he didn't want the younger to apologize at all. Itachi was hurt because of him. Okay, maybe not exactly _him_ , but technically, it's **_still him_** , and he can't blame him.

"Yes." He replied while opening his eyes a little.

"I'm sorry, Shisui…"

Here he is doing exactly what Shisui didn't want him to do. Shisui shook his head, and closed his eyes, sighing. "No, don't apologize, Itachi. There's no need for –"

"There _IS_ a need, Shisui. I was a bitch. I didn’t care about your feelings, nor health. I'm a bad partner, and I deserve it that you get mad at me, but you're way nicer than this, and I really, really want to do anything for you to make up for what happened. I was treating you badly, yet you took care of me, you made sure I slept well and ate well. You even listened to lectures you don't understand to just make it easier for me, and I was such a fucking bitch who only thought of himself. I don't even deserve to step closer to take a kiss. You deserve someone better than me. I'm sorry, Shisui."

Shisui could feel Itachi's fingers on his cheek cold and trembling. When Itachi is feeling bad, when he gets those feelings he can't deal with, his body would start reacting this way. He starts to get cold, starts to tremble, his breath would become erratic, and he would start biting his lip until it bleeds. Looking at him now, Shisui could tell how troubled Itachi must be feeling now.

"It's not like you're the one who made me dissociate to all these alters or the one who made up this to apologize." He was still unable to look at the younger. He knows that Itachi had washed up and dressed up, he could even smell the shampoo, he could feel the clothes on his own body, but he still can't. To see Itachi under him like that had really made him ache.

It's not like he didn't know what would happen when he retreated, but his knowledge didn't keep him from hurting when he saw his lover between another man's arms, even if they shared the same body and some memories.

"Why do you say this, Shisui? You know that I…" The tears started stinging his eyes and controlling his voice became much harder.

Shisui interrupted him, finally looking at him. "You don't mind. I know." He let his hand go of the cheek but kept it between his hands. "Can we just pretend like this whole thing didn't even happen? These past two months?"

He didn't expect Itachi to throw himself at him, crying desperately. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Get mad at me, blame me, tell me how I was such a bitch, call me names, just don't swallow it and become sad by yourself. Please, it's not like I prefer him over you, not like I love him more, I swear!"

Shisui couldn’t help the sigh, and started patting Itachi's back gently. "I can't get mad at you. I can't help but feel happy because you’re okay now, and that you wouldn't worry or break down. This is good news, Ita. Just…" Another sigh. "Thing is…" _Don't say that it hurts, don't_. "It's weird when I see you all of a sudden like this and it's not me who made you like that." He shook his head.

"I had to stop him. I'm truly sorry." He was still crying hot tears.

Didn't Redd front? Why is he crying now then?

"Hey, Itachi." He spoke delicately while trying to make the younger face him. "Didn't Redd front? It's fine now, seriously. Don't cry, it hurts me so much."

"But I was bad to you, and I was –"

"You weren't bad to me. Fucking Redd just wanted to tease me, that's all. And I'll deal with that later."

"Shisui –"

"I won't get you involved in this, Itachi. I'm not that low."

He doesn't know. He can't find an excuse for Redd to do this! That fool, that arrogant bastard had never done such a thing to Shisui! They feel like they're in a competition all the time, but they don't hate each other, or try to hurt each other; they even care and protect each other, even though they never admit that. Why did he do this then?

Because he provoked him? Because he made him feel like his time with Shisui is wilder and that Shisui gives him more pleasure so he wanted to get his revenge? Because he didn't think it through and was reckless for a moment? Itachi just didn't know… but he didn’t want Shisui to hurt like that!

"Okay, at least talk to me, please?" He went back to holding his face between his palms. "It's impossible that this is not hurting you, I know you, please share this with me, baby."

"Itachi, I have a lot of _thoughts_? Thoughts in my head, and I need to calm it down first, okay?”

"Like that I love him more, right? Like that you're just a bridge I take to get to him, right?" The tears fell even harder, and the hands trembled more.

Shisui closed his eyes shut and swallowed hard. No matter how angry he was, he will never let Itachi get involved. That fucker did, and here's the result; Itachi is crying and hurting, he's blaming himself, while he's not at fault at all. So, Shisui will keep him out of it.

"It's just that I don't want to see what he does to you. That's all." He doesn't want to see _the competition_ between the two of them. He doesn't want to know what Redd is doing, or how he _pleases_ Itachi. Maybe he was a little curious when Redd was out for a long time, but it was because he wanted Itachi to say that it was him the better one between the two of them, and now he finds it silly and stupid.

"I know, Itachi. I know you love me and care about me, and believe me I'm not mad at you." He, too, held onto the other's face and brought him closed to place a peck over his lips. At least he'd put his mark this way. "You see? I love you, Ita."

"Really?" he sounded like crying, even when he tried to stop himself and to control his feelings. Would he keep crying whenever Shisui is around? He's such a fool. He wasn't someone who cried a lot, what's up with him so suddenly?

"Are you doubting my love for you, you beautiful young thing?" He flicked Itachi's forehead. It was a strong hit that made Itachi move backwards, and maybe it left a red mark.

Itachi put both of his hands over his forehead, he was in pain but had stopped crying, he pouted and sniffled while shaking his head that no, he doesn’t doubt him. He could never do.

"Thank you, Shisui. You’re the greatest husband ever."

"Feel better now?"

"Yeah, all thanks to you.”

"Thank goodness then," He caressed the younger's cheek lovingly and smiled.

Itachi sniffled and tilted his head a bit, holding onto Shisui's hand gingerly, before kissing it lovingly. "I'm really grateful you're here, Shisui. Truthfully. Thank you for being this kind."

"How can I not be great when you're my lover, sweetheart?" He closed his arms around Itachi, holding the younger to him tightly, kissing his temple over and over then whispering, "I'll leave now, okay? I'll let him front because I know how much you missed him. Don't waste the time scolding him; do that later, because I don't know, I might miss you quickly and come back soon, hmmm? You can kick him later on."

So, even with what Redd has done, Shisui can still forgive him? He's still able to tell Itachi to let down his anger and the admonition for later because he knows how much he misses him?

He looked at Shisui gently; Shisui is really something else! How can he have this pure of a heart?

"You know that I really love you, Shisui, right? I really, really do." Itachi sighed, "I can never pay you back, but I'll try." He, again, kissed the back of Shisui's hand and over his fingers, hugging it to his chest before putting it on his cheek.

"You're making my ego grow big." Shisui mumbled.

"It’s your right to be so."

"Okay, any longer than this and I won't let you have time with him, so, please get as much as you could. Enjoy and let your heart calm down. Any part of me will never leave or abandon you.”

And Itachi was grateful. He just nodded and smiled, and that smile was the last thing Shisui saw before letting Redd front and spend time with Itachi.

Once Redd fronted, he started blinking over. He didn't lose consciousness, and he heard everything, which made him feel worse.

"Redd?" Itachi whispered.

Redd just hummed, then, right. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that at all."

At any other time, Itachi would've toughened up and punished him for hurting his alter this way, because Shisui never deserves this. It might look like Itachi is the wiser one, or the one taking care of all the aspects of their lives and this relationship, but that doesn't deny the fact that Shisui is the one who is more responsible between them. Even if Redd doesn't spend much of Shisui's money, but the latter is the one who works most of the time in the family's company, and lately in the political field as well, he's the one taking care of the body, and the one trying as much to keep everything under control.

But now, because he's still missing this reckless fool and still didn't have enough, he's helpless and can't do but sighing and nodding. "It's okay, just… just don't do it ever again."

"It's embarrassing how this asshole –" The raised eyebrow on Itachi's face with the empty look made the older sweat in his place and laugh nervously while rubbing his nape, stuttering, "I mean Shisui, it's embarrassing how Shisui dealt with this like a grown up."

"Shi is not a teenager anymore, while there's someone here who didn't grow up yet."

He got up from bed, heading downstairs again, and heard Redd exclaiming from behind him. "Hey!! What do you mean by this?"

"Shut up, you're just a kid."

"Okay." Redd bit his lip. He'll take all the insults for just today. He followed the latter, and it was funny how he followed him like a puppy cuddling its owner. "Where are you going, leaving me behind like this? Didn't you say you miss me? You weren't even patient until we got up here, and now you leave me behind? Hey!!"

"Come here, you complain too much." He turned on the TV and threw himself over at the couch, opening his arms for his husband.

The older hurried to the open arms like a kid. It was unlike himself, but he felt like he wants to be spoiled. Yes, he was wrong. Yes, he'd done a mistake, but it never makes him stop missing Itachi.

Soon enough, he was between the younger's arms, hugging him for few seconds before slumping over to lay his head on the younger's lap. He didn't even need to ask; he knows the younger would play with his hair soon.

The slim fingers started threading through his hair, making Redd sigh in bliss. "You know, I like it when you play with my hair?" He asked in a contented voice.

"I do know." The younger rolled his eyes, and then changed the channel; he still didn't find anything he likes just yet.

"What about going on a date tonight? You and me, some dinner and candles?"

"You know we can dress up and still order a take-out."

"But I want to spoil you." Redd pouted. It's really nothing like him, but maybe because he feels bad, maybe because he knows that Itachi somehow isn't still over what happened.

"Spoil me?" Itachi raised an eyebrow. "You know how to spoil me well, Redd." He smirked.

"Spoiling you. I'm thinking things now, if you ask me."

Before Itachi got the chance to answer, the doorbell rang. They both turned towards the door. Redd was really wondering who could it be, and just wished it's nothing important because he still wants to spend time with Itachi.

The bell rang once more, and Redd could feel Itachi's fingers leave his locks, mumbling, "Do I go?"

"No, no. I'll see who is it, then kick their ass and come back to you." He got up, leaving a gentle peck over Itachi's lips, walking slowly towards the door.

He saw from the peephole Sasuke in his oversized clothes. Something he shares with his elder brother is to wear oversized hoodies. Redd rolled his eyes and opened the door. "The young brat is here. Yay." He said humorlessly.

It took Sasuke a second to guess who was standing before him, and he grimaced in ridicule before rolling his eyes and kicking the older's leg to open the door wider so that he could get in. "The fucker is finally back. Yay."

"Oh, you came!" Hearing the younger's voice, Itachi turned around, his gaze leaving the TV to look warmly at his younger brother.

"Are you still the rebellious ass who has high testosterone phase?" Redd caught the hoody preventing the youngest from going in. "You rascal?"

Itachi closed his eyes tiredly. How many years had it been? When can they just make _peace_? He doesn't even hope they become friends or so. _Alike poles repel_ **,** he listened well in the science class, and they both are alike, two egotistic asses that are suffering from late teenage.

"Stop!"

"If you didn't leave me alone I'll throw you over. I don't want to break Shisui's back. He's not my favorite, but he has nothing to do with you being a wrinkly dick."

"Wait, what? What?!" He laughed humorlessly, and pulled him back to look straight at his face. "Do you want to be beaten up this much?"

"What? The truth hurts badly?"

"Could you please stop?"

Itachi's voice in the background was unheard.

"You want to die?"

"Let me go, you fucker!" Sasuke kicked the older's leg to set himself free, but Redd could avoid it.

Redd pulled the younger tighter until the hoody hurt Sasuke's neck. "And what if I don't?"

Itachi exclaimed suddenly, "Stop!!"

Finally they looked at him, he was stepping closer to them quickly. "Oh, god, just stop!" he held onto Redd's hand to make him let go Sasuke's clothes, then patted the younger. He looked at the older. "Could you bring some juice? Please?"

He knows well that Redd won't deny him a thing, so he tried to lessen the time where they'd be around each other.

The youngest amongst the three looked at Redd with angry eyes, but just snorted mockingly before going to throw himself over the couch, sprawling his arms and legs everywhere. "Ah, you’re fine now that the dick is back?"

"What did we say about cursing who's older than you, Sasuke?"

"I didn't even curse him. Yet. I'm just describing him." The younger rolled his eyes, mumbling. He got a bar of chocolate out of his pocket, the type Itachi loves the most. "And I went looking for this for you, maybe it would make you happier this time." He snorted once more.

He really, really _loves_ Itachi, even if he acted childishly like he doesn't.

Itachi is actually an introvert who doesn't let many people enter his life, in fact, he lets no one in. Even Izumi, his only friend for years, doesn't know a lot about him, and isn't very close to him. They might spend weeks without even talking when it's summer break, that's why he doesn't have many weakness points, to have many people in his life that he cares about other than Sasuke and his husband.

His husband, with all his names, his personalities, and everything about him was the most precious thing in Itachi's life. But what he feels for Sasuke is so different. From the first moment he held him as a pink newborn, an ugly one if he was to be very honest, he felt something more than what someone could feel for a younger sibling! What Itachi knew back then was that this baby means everything to him, and he can really pay his life as a price to protect the younger, and to let him have a good, normal life that Itachi could never have.

This whole universe gifted him with just two people, and he's very grateful for that.

Their presence, their care, even if Sasuke denied it, is all what Itachi needs. He might look emotional and more of a fool than usual now that Redd is back, but when the older put the glass over the table, hissing toward Sasuke, "I spat in your glass." Itachi pulled them both to his arms, sobbing loudly _._

This is so unlike himself, not at all, but Redd's absence made him realize how to appreciate what he's got, and let him know how much of bless this all is.

_Thank God, up in heaven, thanks for the bless he has in his arms now._

Even if one of them is looking at the other with a glare, hissing curses and acting like not caring to this hug, Itachi knows, knows for real, how they are comfortable between his arms.

The red color over Sasuke's ear, and Redd's blinking eyes told him everything he needs.

_fin_.


End file.
